Schizophrenic Alexa

We’re coming up on a year of having a passel of Amazon’s Alexa devices in the house, and I’m beginning to get a little concerned.

The Dot we have in our kitchen, for the lack of a better word, has always been a bit more on the stupid side than the others. I know that sounds funny, but it’s true. Ask any other device in the house to play, say, Andy Williams or whatever other dreck any random family member wants played, those devices will play it.

The one in the kitchen, well, she’s either a little hard of hearing or thinks she knows better than the rest of us. She want to play Andy William, not Williams – and there’s a big difference there, rest assured. And she’s the one always pushing creating Pandora stations while the other devices around the house just shuffle songs by the artists we ask for.

The kitchen isn’t any noisier than any other room, and with the wireless router just across the room, she’s got the strongest signal. I don’t know what’s up.

But it’s spreading.

Now the basement Echo wants to push Pandora. And it’s causing some problems.

My wife has a certain artist she enjoys – I can’t remember his name. She used to be able to play his music quite a bit. But now Alexa wants to pair him with another artist, and ends up playing one song over and over and over again. That’s not good.

Also, I enjoy listening to comic Brian Regan, and have found just a shuffle through his routines to be enjoyable. Now Alexa has created a Pandora station that begins with a warning that the station contains explicit material. Not what a Brian Regan fan is really looking for, you know.

I think she’s a little schizophrenic. Or pushy.

Maybe something’s all up in her algorithms. I sure like blaming Al Gore for everything.

Characters

There are two authors a writer should study if that writer wants good characters: Charles Dickens and Terry Pratchett.

I’ll lean heavily on Pratchett for most of this post, as it’s Pratchett I’m currently reading. I’ve read Dickens, of course, but it’s been about a year since we finished reading/listening to his “A Tale of Two Cities,” so it’s not as fresh on my mind.

Both Pratchett and Dickens remind me of one very important thing: Characters should be real.

That sounds odd considering both wrote fiction, but it’s true. Fictional characters should feel so real you have pictures of them in your head and you’re disappointed when the pictures others create, either for book covers or films, don’t match what you’ve got in your head because they don’t look like the picture in your head.

Take Esme Weatherwax, for one.

When I picture Mistress Weatherwax, I get Anne Ramsey. Kind of a mix between the “Goonies” Ramsey, all dressed in black and forceful in appearance, and the” Scrooged” Ramsey, disheveled, a little tipsy.

So it’s rather discomfiting to see her like this.

So when she drops in – briefly – for a visit in Pratchett’s “Wintersmith,” it’s a familiar face, because I’ve read her stories and know her ways and have a picture of her in my head.

Thing is, with Dickens and Pratchett, even the minor characters get into your head. Take Annagramma, from “Wintersmith.” If you’re not familiar with her, she’s a young, rather supercilious witch who thinks she knows everything but is rather going into things over her head. To mar my age, I picture her as an amalgam of Jan Brady from “The Brady Bunch” for the innocence, and Alex P. Keaton from “Family Ties” for the supercilious knowitalism.

No matter how I picture them, these characters all have one thing in common: Spend fifteen minutes with them, and it feels like you’ve known them your whole life (thank you, Nanny Ogg).

Dickens has this way with characters, from the Cratchitt family in A Christmas Carol to Jerry Cruncher and Miss Pross in “A Tale of Two Cities.” In these characters, we discover a depth of dedication and deviousness (loyalty, I suppose, is the nicer thing to say about Miss Pross) neither we nor their employers suspect.

I know what I’m writing isn’t revelatory. Both Pratchett and Dickens are well known for their vivid characters. I am writing this for me, as a writer struggling with characterization. I need to be able to picture my characters in my head and be disappointed if the image I have isn’t the one that comes out in the wash.

Fingers Crossed

So I finally got to tend to my possibly-dead computer over the weekend.

Amateur diagnosis: Maybe something bad, maybe something good. I don’t know. But I’m going to find out. This is no mere History Eraser Button – it’s my computer.

I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to fixing computers. I have replaced fans, power supplies, installed memory and video cards, etc., and worked on many a printer issue and software problem. But it’s mostly trial and error. And when my computer wouldn’t go beyond the HP startup screen, I knew getting it working again was beyond my ken.

Fortunately, my wife knows a guy through Scouting who does computer diagnostics and repair, so we took the box to him Sunday night, hoping he can fix it for me.

I’m hoping at minimum I can get some data recovered – there are a couple of incomplete novels, a lot of journal entries, pictures, etc., on that computer that I may or may not have backed up somewhere. The journal entries would be the biggest loss, as most of them are scans of paper journals that I no longer have (why I thought it was a good idea to toss the paper once the scans were done is beyond me).

A lot of it can be replaced, but it’s things like comic strips and Simpsons memes that I’ve collected over the years, and the thought of having to start over again brings to mind one of the memes I may have lost:

So, clearly, First World Problem, because with one computer dead that leaves me only with five other computers to choose from in the house.

[Checks onion on belt.] Back in the day when I had that old Royal typewriter, if it was broke, I just didn’t type any more letters.

I wonder what I did with that typewriter? Not that I have room for it in the study, what with the two printers, boxes of monitors and other electronics that sit there idle and useless, waiting for the thrift store under construction nearby to open so I can drop them off. It would be neat, however. . .

And, yes, I should be backing up more frequently. To my credit, I have tried.

I don’t like Dropbox because if I want to use it as backup, the item I’m backing up MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS from my computer, thus eliminating the basic tenet of a backup, which in my mind is having TWO COPES of the same thing in different places.

I use DVDs and thumb drives as backups, barring from my mind the HORROR stories of such media losing data over time and making your memories IRRETRIEVABLE and replacing it with mocking pictures of clowns and other such stuff.

I have hard copies of some stuff, but then I’m back to the storage problems that made scanning and chucking the paper copies such an attractive idea in the first place.

It’s also possible I have backups of much of my stuff on the kids’ computer in the kitchen, as that used to be my computer and is still reliably churning away, although the computer I have which is broken is a lot younger than the kids’ computer is.

Sayonara, Scoutmaster

I'm no longer Scoutmaster in the Ammon 11th Ward.

This was the first time in my life I said no to being released from a calling. I think I said it twice. Nevertheless, the bishop said my time was up and that it was time to go.

Go where I don't yet know (writing this the day of for publication a week later, because reasons). Don't yet have a new calling.

I've done my last Scout camp. My last Klondike derby. No more winter camping, unless I choose to go. I don't have to worry about trying to squeeze a campout in December. That's going to be somebody else's job now. I don't know who.

I do know the bishop said I could hold my head high, as God had magnified the calling through me. I'm not quite certain I know exactly what that means, but I get the feeling it means something akin to "Good job." That's a good feeling.

I felt inspired over Conference Weekend a few weeks ago to get my Scout records in order. I guess I know why now -- the boys won't have to repeat anything they've earned, even for the partial merit badges they've earned. Leadership is up to date. The only thing I don't have recorded is who has gone on what campouts for the Camping merit badge. Guess I'd better get that done.

But it's okay. The calendar is roughed out through the end of the year.

But I feel torn. I won't get to see this group of boys at Scout camp again, unless I go with my son.

My son. I feel bad leaving the troop when he's got just under a year to go in it. But it does tell me we need to find him an Eagle project so he can get it done. Maybe that's what I can concentrate on now to ease me out of the shock of being released.

Diagnosis: Mount Hebron DEAD from de Snappy and de Peppy

When you get and send a bunch of emails at work because you asked your wife for something on your desktop at home and your desktop is dying.

The Post in Which Salsa Cookies Are Mentioned

I don’t put much stock into superstition. I believe if a person has a run of bad luck, it’s more often than not related to the poor decisions he has made, rather than the whims of fortune.

Still.

I notice every ten years of my professional life, thusfar, I hit a funk. It’s as if I’m Ignatius Reilley and the blind goddess Fortuna spins me into a downward cycle every decade.

Good news is since I don’t believe in such dribble, I’m making better decisions right now to get me out of the funk I’ve fallen into.

Nothing life-critical, just a little dissatisfaction and complacency on the job front, which I’m combating to fix. The cycle – if I believed in it – is beginning to swing upwards. I’m approaching the Salsa Cookies portion of Fortuna’s wheel.



Out at work we’re making a companywide effort to combat complacency and professional drift, refocusing our efforts on what we should be doing in our jobs. Same going on personally as I continue teaching at BYU-Idaho. And both places are going better, now that I’ve decided to act, rather than be acted upon.

14 And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.

15 And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of man, after he had created our first parents, and the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and in fine, all things which are created, it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter.

16 Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other.

(2 Nephi 2, verses 14 through 16.)

Also this. Although it's too late for me.

A Conversation, But Not Much Communication

"A conversation, but not much communication."

So who is worse off: The president disconnected from reality or the protester tripping on LSD?

The answer is C: The country. The country is worse off.

History Lessons

It’s fitting, I think, to look for contemporary application for the things we read in history. I know that’s not a news flash – because those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it and other clichés.

But this stood out in a contemporary sense in Joseph E. Persico’s “Nuremberg: Infamy on Trial.”

The racial clashes bothered Gustav Gilbert [one of a handful of psychologists working the German war crimes suspects] as he tried to piece together his analysis of sanctioned mass murder. He had already concluded that, beyond an obedient people, the next requirement for this kind of crime was a belief in the inferiority of one’s victims. He had had a discussion on this point recently with Goring. Goring had asked him about the black officers occasionally seen in the visitors’ gallery. Gould they command troops in combat? Goring wanted to know. Could they ride in the same buses as whites? Gilbert had just spent three days in court watching Robert Jackson prosecute Goring for crimes against humanity, specifically for issuing anti-Semitic edicts. Jim Crow and the Nuremberg Laws – was it not just a difference of degree?

There’s also this:

Rudolf Hoess [Commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp] was “outwardly normal, but lacked something essential to normality, the quality of empathy, the capacity to feel with our fellow man,” [wrote Gilbert]. Hoess had described the millions at Auschwitz not as people, but as “shadows passing before me.” Combine unthinking obedience, racism, and a disconnection from the kinship of mankind, and you could produce an Auschwitz commandant.

His arriving at a solution that satisfied the mind served only to depress Gilbert’s spirits. Every society had its authority-ridden personalities. Bigots exist all over. And schizoids, dead to normal feelings, walk the streets every day. The latent ingredients could be found everywhere. The distinction in Nazi Germany had been that these people had not functioned on the margins of society. They had run it.

We’re not there yet. But as I watch, we stand on the slope. We walk on the edge of a knife, as was said at another pivotal (yet fictional) time.

Hope remains when the company is true.

Do not fear. Be true.

Girls in the Boy Scouts? I'm All for It.

I know I will hear lots of arguments against the Boy Scouts of America’s Oct. 11 decision allowing girls to join Cub Scouting and, eventually, earn the Eagle Scout award via traditional Scouting organizations beginning in 2019.

I’m going to offer one argument in favor of the decision: My daughter.

This past summer, she worked as a counselor-in-training at Treasure Mountain Scout Camp, part of the Idaho Falls, Idaho-based Grand Teton Council. She worked alongside her older brother, who worked as a counselor in the commissary, and their mother, commissary director. There too was our youngest son, a CIT in all but name. Where was I? I was at home, working full-time and volunteering as Scoutmaster for our chartered organization.

We’re a Scouting family. So it’s families like us the BSA talks about when they say things like this:

“This decision is true to the BSA’s mission and core values outlined in the Scout Oath and Law. The values of Scouting – trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind, brave and reverent, for example – are important for both young men and women,” said Michael Surbaugh, the BSA’s Chief Scout Executive. “We believe it is critical to evolve how our programs meet the needs of families interested in positive and lifelong experiences for their children. We strive to bring what our organization does best – developing character and leadership for young people – to as many families and youth as possible as we help shape the next generation of leaders.”

We’re not alone in this.

I can think of at least two other families served by our chartered org that are also “Scouting families,” where everyone is involved in one way or the other – even the girls.

I’ve seen girls at pack meetings participating in games and activities with gusto, right alongside their brothers.

And I’ve seen their disappointment when the time for awards comes around, and only the boys get them.

I was thrilled when our daughter went to Cedar Badge – along with two good girlfriends – and then joined an all-female Venturing crew. I’ve seen – from Cub Scouts through Boy Scouts to things like summer camp and Wood Badge and Cedar Badge the great advantages families can garner when everyone who wants to is participating, and being recognized.

Our kids participate in many such activities. Two are dancers. All three are musicians. But it’s in Scouting where we get to see them function together, as a team (and I should say that’s at Scout camp). I love what I see.

And none of what I see detracts from the core of the Boy Scouts of America. Not even the “Boy” part.

Boys and girls get to work together, whether it’s building a fire or hiking to a mountain lake. They learn to respect each others’ differences, each others’ talents. And they all have to cook and wash the dishes.

Robert Baden-Powell saw the impact Scouting could have on girls, and founded the Girl Guides in 1910. Yes, it was and is a separate organization – expected in society at the time. But Baden-Powell worked hard to advise both Scouting and Girl Guiding organizations until he retired in 1937. He saw the importance and value of offering such a program to girls.

This is all the BSA is doing – mirroring an impactful program the Baden-Powell would not find alien even in his own time.

Mental Ward

It's been more than a month since Mom passed away. I'm finally getting around to putting away "the stuff" I collected from her home the night we all went over to talk and begin cleaning things out.

Right now, only one thing feels like it has a home -- the cheap joke "Mental Ward" sign we had hanging in our green family room for years, then got moved to the new house to hang over the entrance to the front room there. I put it in the basement, over the closet that houses our books. I think it likes it there.

Another has gone up -- a pen-and-ink drawing I brought home form my mission for Mom and Dad. It took the place of a painting that I vaguely knew had a family connection, but I didn't know what. Found out through the miracle of Facebook that it was painted by one of my cousins' aunts, who also recently passed away. It's back in their family now.

To make room for the stuff, we either have to shuffle and store other stuff. Or get rid of stuff.

I'm glad that painting became a memory -- a person -- rather than more stuff stored in the garage.

I helped our daughter clean her room today. She, like the rest of us, has a lot of "stuff." I look at it and think she can't possibly need any more stuff. I don't need any more stuff either. Because I can look at the vast majority of stuff that I have, and know that it's just that -- stuff. If it were lost in a fire or flood, I'd go out and replace it. But for 99.9% of it, it's just stuff. Much of it is useful stuff, don't get me wrong. But it would only take money to replace it if it were lost.

Only a few things hold memories, and while the stuff that holds those memories is there in the memory itself, the palimpset that is the greater memory shows me the people I was with when those memories were made.

Memories are people. Sometimes memories are triggered by things. But memories are people.

Maybe that's what the scriptures mean it's easier to lead a camel through a needle's eye than for a rich man to enter heaven.