Horpy Hunkaroon!

 

You Have to Be Careful with Eggs . . .

I aged about a year this morning.

Round about 8 am, I got a call from Human Resources at BYU-Idaho, where I teach online English. The very nice fellow on the other end of the line said a student had sent HR a message, claiming that at the end of a texting conference with him the evening before, I sent him a naughty anime picture, then said "Oops, wrong text."

We quickly figured out that the number the student texted and mine did not match up -- at one point, it was one digit off. I was lucky because:

1. The HR rep was already skeptical about the situation

2. While I recognized the student's name, I knew for a fact I had not conferenced with him by text or any other way the night before

3. The HR rep called the number the student texted and the person on the other end got really cagey and tried to disguise their voice.

I got two calls, in rapid succession, the second saying the matter was closed and that there was no wrongdoing on my part. He said he didn't want me to spend the day worrying over the event.

Nevertheless . . . that was a long ten minutes between phone calls.

Now, I do not blame the student for anything other than not double-checking the phone number he was texting. I was not made privy to the conversation he had with the other number about his paper, but apparently enough inroads were made he felt like he'd had a discussion with me and then was shocked when I texted the naughty picture.

He did what he should have done -- he contacted HR about the situation.

But I'm glad, in this cancel culture we live in, that the matter was resolved quickly and in my favor. It could have swung the other way quickly and ended up a lot uglier than it did.

This evening, I had a text conference with the student. He rightaway apologized if I'd had a scare, and I told him -- honestly -- it wasn't that big of a deal. We went on to conference about his paper -- for which I gave him the title, hoping he'd take that as a sign that I knew what his paper was, even if the other person he'd texted with the night before didn't, but was vague enough about things -- or said, remind me -- that they were able to bluff their way through.

Lesson learned?

Get that number right when you text.

And if you get a wrong number text, remember any jokes you play, thinking you're having a lot of fun, might very well have real-world consequences.

And act stunned enough when HR calls that they realize you don't have the brains to successfully pick your nose, let alone send someone a naughty anime picture.

One final lesson: Don't reveal the number the student texted so they get spammed with all sorts of crud. But really, really consider it.

Leave A Trail

So for the past week, and for the next week, I'm substituting in another online English class for BYUI. Same class I'm teaching now. You'd think that's easy, but it's not.

Here's why.

The class is designed in a way to make teaching the Argumentative Synthesis Essay a flexible teaching moment. They provide loose guidelines, but leave it up to individual teachers to custom-tailor the essay, done in three parts. And I know from personal experience in talking with other English teachers that not many of us teach the course in the same way.

So going into this, grading outlines and such for Part Two, I had no frame of reference for how their permanent teacher, due back in a week, is teaching the essay.

Now me, if someone came into my class as a substitute and read my announcements, they'd know right away how I teach the course. Not so with this teacher. So I had to dig deeper into things like her comments on their topics and on the Part One papers. So I think I have a grasp on what her expectations are, but I had to leave them an announcement today cautioning them that since I'm not the same teacher who started their section, my understanding may not match their teacher's expectations. So I laid out in the announcement where I intended to go. So that way, when their regular teacher comes back they can at least see the method to my madness. I hope that works, because it's what I'm sticking with.

This leads me to thinking about the error precursors we get hammered on at work. We can think we have a flawless plan, but as errors start to compound, they can compound in a way that makes incidents more likely. I'm hoping I've got my bases covered. Not for me, but for the students, because they don't deserve to have to do things over and over and over again to please different instructors.

Hell, or, A Change is as Good as A Rest

I'm teetering on the edge of something, folks.

In the leadup to the election, I've opted on social media to snooze, or in some cases, unfollow, those whose posts are more than 90% political. And I'll be honest -- most of them have been conservative voices.

I don't need their lunacy peppering my already cynical view of politics with additional oxidation.

And now, a moment of clarity: I'm going to let them jabber, full-tilt, where I can see them.

And in a week (or more, which is more likely) when we know who won the election, I'll see manifestations of the pride and hubris that Mormon keeps warning us about in his little book inside the big one.

Because -- ha ha! -- I don't think it's going to matter who wins in November. The circus will continue unabated, though perhaps if we're lucky the clown car will break down and stop issuing forth its contents. We'll get the contents of another clown car, to be sure, but sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

But the jabbering. Oh, the jabbering. Whomever wins, right or left, the jabbering will continue, and we will continue on our merry wee way to Hell as, apparently, that's what we do in this country now.

What do we want, the New Normal,

or the Normal that Used to Be?

the one, all filled with sackcloth,

the other, which smells of pee?

Whom do we want, the leader,

Or the one who wished to be?

the one, all filled with anger,

the other, acrimony?

And do we want the nation

or the one we couldn't be

ill and fat from the pride of our hearts

or lean, a mockery?

And what do we want of Heaven

or the Hell that's soon to be

one the realm of the angels

now forever barred to we?

Politics and Poker and Christianity

You know what’s fun and easy about finding Christian scriptural support for the party or candidate of your choice? It can be done easily with tools you probably already have in your home, particularly if you focus on the warts of one candidate or party while ignoring similar defects decorating your own.

And the thing about Christian theology, see, is that it’s not a cafeteria plan. You don’t get to waltz in and pick only the stuff you want. You have to take it all.

Similarly, when you select a candidate or political party, your selection should not be made holding your nose or ignoring the faults that are there. You get it all, the halos alongside the horns. To believe otherwise is to be dishonest with yourself.

For example. I’m not much pleased in what I see in the official platform of Black Lives Matter, the organization. I do, however, recognize that in America, black lives indeed matter less than white ones. Maybe not to the rank and file of most good Americans. But certainly that message comes out, and loudly, from some good Americans, and some good American politicians and political parties.

God tells me the following:

“A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13:34-35)

I see little of this in the platform of Black Lives Matter. And I see little of it in the attitude of “All Lives Matter,” which seeks not to spread love and understanding and reconciliation, but the dismissal of ongoing prejudice and justifiable anger for the sake of maintaining the status quo, or even saying “wait a while longer; it’s getting better.” That kind of thinking and rhetoric is certainly not making things better, and waiting since at least 1860 seems long enough, doesn’t it?

Does that mean I love riots and the destruction of property? Of course not. But if a party’s candidate’s answer to riots and destruction of property is to shout that ongoing suffering that engenders it doesn’t matter because all lives do, I find little to support in that either.

And also, I find little to support in a party that turns a blind eye to racism in some of its base, its rank and file leadership, and its top politicians.

“Brothers and sisters, please listen carefully to what I am about to say,” said Russell M. Nelson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in early October 2020. “God does not love one race more than another. His doctrine on this matter is clear. He invites all to come unto him. Black and white, bond and free, male and female. I assure you your standing before God is not determined by the color of your skin. Favor or disfavor with God is dependent up on your devotion to God, and his commandments, and not to the color of your skin. I grieve that our black brothers and sisters the world over are enduring the pains of racism and prejudice. Today I call upon our members everywhere to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice. I plead with you to promote respect for all of God’s children.”

This, to me, if I can borrow a phrase from U.S. President Richard Nixon’s press secretary Ron Ziegler, is the operative statement. And by asking members of his church to “listen carefully” to what he has to say, and to “lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice,” he acknowledges such attitudes and actions exist among church members.

I see little in American politics of any stripe that promotes such introspective action, and certainly not from the party currently in power. And I hold little faith that President Nelson’s request will be much more than a footnote as Satan continues to strengthen his hold on the hearts of men, both inside and outside the church, unless we as members of the church embrace this request in earnest. I know where that request comes from, and I will do my best to follow it.

And while I see little to gain from a party or candidate who turns a blind eye to the problems inherent in illegal immigration, I see little to gain from a party or candidate who vilifies each immigrant, legal or not, as criminals, rapists, sponges, or job-stealers.

Back in 2015, Elder Patrick Kearon said the following of refugees:

“Being a refugee may be a defining moment in the lives of those who are refugees, but being a reguee does not define them. Like countless thousands before them, this will be a period – we hope a short period – in their lives, Some of them will go on to be Nobel laureates, public servants, physicians, scientists, musicians, artists, religious leaders, and contributors in other fields. Indeed, many of them were these things before they lost everything. This moment does not define them, but our response will help define us.”

He then quoted the following from Matthew 25:40: “Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Jesus, in this verse, does not say “unless they came into the country illegally,” or “unless they’re criminals.” He offered no such exceptions. He did not excuse sin – He famously told the woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more,” but neither did He condemn her. Interestingly, He asked her accusers to be the first to cast a stone, if they were sinless. And they were not. And they left without tossing so much as a pebble.

In today’s politics, no such hesitation exists. No party holds such innocence. Stones would be hurled, the woman killed, by politicians and parties with blood on their hands from other such actions, literal or figurative. To claim otherwise is, again, to hold one’s nose and ignore the stink underneath the perfume.

So what’s the answer?

Oh, if I knew, and could implement it successfully, I’d be one of those Nobel laureates Elder Kearon spoke of. I do believe, however, the answer does not lie in turning a blind eye to the shortcomings of politicians or political parties merely because some of what they say aligns with what I believe. I see enough vilification of politicians who ideally express similar ideas, even among people who profess belief in God and profess adherence to all of His teachings; vilification that comes because not everything they do toes the expected line.

There is no ideal spiritual refuge in politics. I do know I cringe when I hear someone say a particular politician is “the one” God or Jesus has chosen to lead. Looking at the politicians vying for such leadership leads me to conclude:

1.      1. God and Jesus really stink at selecting politicians to promote what we read in the scriptures, or

2.     2.  Earthly society is so far gone the bottom of the political barrel is being scraped relentlessly, by both God and man.

The best principle I can come up with is this:

“Principles compatible with the gospel may be found in various political parties, and members should seek candidates who best embody those principles.

“While the Church affirms its institutional neutrality regarding political parties and candidates, individual members should participate in the political process. Please strive to live the gospel in your own life by demonstrating Christlike love and civility in political discourse.”

This, from a letter signed by Russell M. Nelson, Dallin H. Oaks, and Henry B. Eyring, on October 6, 2020.

Tom Lehrer -- In the Public Domain

 Stunning news for fans of Tom Lehrer.

1. Tom Lehrer, at 92, is still alive.

2. Tom Lehrer has put his music and lyrics, with some exceptions, into the public domain, decades before law would do it for him.

For the curious, the details are at his website.

And even if you don't read sheet music (I don't) please take a look at it. There are little bits of humor throughout.

Take the instructions on how to play "We Will All Go Together When We Go":

I had to look it up: Eschatologically: Pertaining to death, judgment, and the final destiny of the soul and humankind. It's a Terry Pratchett footnote long before Terry Pratchett.

You can find his official music and lyrics on his website through the end of 2024, then the website disappears. I wonder why that is.

Going Postal -- Or Avoiding Sounding Brass

Once again I'm probably going to make secular humanist Terry Pratchett a bit upset.

But as I read his book "Going Postal," I can't help but to see its themes on hope and restoration as a parallel to the faith and redemption in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Bear with me a moment.

Take, for example, these passages from pages 276-77 of my American edition:

Handing all that gold over to a copper had been a difficult thing to do, but there really was no choice. He'd got them by the short and curlies, anyway. No one was going to stand up and say the gods didn't do this sort of thing. True, they'd never done it so far, but you could never tell, with gods. Certainly there were queues outside the three temples, once the Times had put out its afternoon edition.

This had presented the priesthoods with a philosophical problem. They were officially against people laying up treasures on earth, but they had to admit, it was always good to get bums on pews, feet in sacred groves, hands rattling drawers, and fingers being trailed in the baby-alligator pool. They settled, therefore, for a kind of twinkle-eyed denial that it could happen again, while hinting that, well, you never know, ineffable are the ways of gods, eh? Besides, petitioners were standing in line with their letter asking for a big bag of cash were open to suggestion that those most likely to recieveth were the ones who had already givedeth, and got the message once you tapped them on the head with the collecting plate a few times.

Even Miss Extremelia Mume, whose small, multipurpose temple over a bookmakers' office in Cable Street handled the wordly affairs of several dozen minor gods, was doing good business among those prepared to back an outside chance. She'd hung a banner over the door. It read IT COULD BE YOU.

It couldn't happen. It shouldn't happen. But, you never know . . . this time it might.

Moist recognized that hope, It was how he'd made his living. You know that the man running the Find the Lady game was going to win, you knew that people in distress didn't sell diamond rings for a fraction of their value, you knew that life generally handed you the sticky end of the stick, and you knew that the gods didn't pick some everyday undeserving tit out of the population and hand them a fortune.

Except, that this time, you might be wrong, right? It might just happen, yes?

OF course, Pratchett and his ilk feel they've got the greed behind this kind of "religion" right. And for the most part they do. I've heard the sermons of the so-called prosperity gospels, even seen a bit of it in my own church.

But what the mockers and scoffers miss is that, at the fundament of it all, there is that sincere hope.

But it's hope combined with works. And here is where I get in trouble with most mainstream Christians, who tend to believe that faith is all that's needed.

Not so.

Many seem to forget this admonition of James (emphasis mine):

What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

And note this does not refer to works by God, or miracles, or mysterious bags of wonga falling form the sky or being dug up by charlatan postmen with winged hats.

The main word in that passage is you.

If we do not works, if we do not act in ways that could be the answers to prayers or if we do not act in godly ways, it is our faith that is dead. Not the faith of those who ask and receive not -- and receive not because some secular humanists tells them their hope in God is vain because he doe snot exist. It is because the fellow-believers in God do not act in God's name.

We have to have works, or this happens:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

This, from the first letter to the Corinthians.

Good works turn faith into action, and that is what many Christians miss, and their critics rightly pick up on.

Moist von Lipwig, who prayed to the gods to pull the wool over everyone's eyes, had the works -- he knew where the money was buried. Literally.

And those who saw him had hope. Hope in a charlatan, yes. But hope in a man whose works came in time for redemption.

So again, Mr. Pratchett. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better Christian, even if I had to pray to Anoia in order to become such.

Life, a Bob's Burgers Tryptich