Seventeen Years, Seventeen Days

So, my momma died.

And I have to say it’s okay. Dad died seventeen years and seventeen days before she did, and I’m sure was waiting for her anxiously.

My regret: I was not there or near at the end. I kept meaning to go over to see her, but one thing or another got in the way. I did not make visiting her a priority, and paid for that a little. But I do know she did not die alone. Chris was with her, and Serena was prompted by the spirit to rush over to be there too. Maaike was out running a few errands and was actually getting lunch when Chris called – she left her food there.

They did call me after Mom died, but I didn’t have a vehicle to get there – the Pilot was in the shop and Michelle had the truck, picking Isaac up from Order of the Arrow. So I stayed at home with Lexie and we both cried a bit.

Part of me wonders if I’m a bit calloused, but the bigger part of me thinks back to spiritual gifts. I’ve been blessed repeatedly with the gift of faith – in this case, faith that the Plan of Salvation is real, and that Mom and Dad are together again, preparing for bigger things to come where they are now.

Sherri recounted a dream Dad had shortly before he died – he dreamed he was dead, and waiting for Mom to come. When he saw here, there was a river between them. She had to swim the river, and when she emerged she was young again, and healthy, just as he was – just as he emerged when he, too, had to swim that river after death.

What we do in the afterlife is a bit of a mystery to me. But that there is one, I have no doubt. So maybe that’s my gift of faith, telling me that things are all right.

“[W]e can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. They only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life,” says Elder Russell M. Nelson. I know I internalize my sorrow a lot. But I expect the waterworks to flow at the funeral Friday.

I’m also reminded of the words of the savior: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27).

And this: [T]o the man (or woman) of faith, death is but the taking up again of the life he broke off when he came to this earth. (Heber J. Grant)

I’ve been asked to speak at the funeral. I don’t know what I’m going to say.