Different Perspective

So the writing challenge is thus: Can you work your craft from 2 angles? Homework: Write a paragraph from 1 person’s POV, then write the SAME paragraph from the point of view of someone else entirely.

This is important for me for a few reasons:

1. I might find writing the story from the point of view of a different character might help me fix things in the story
2. I might find ways to introduce more female characters – because beta readers have pointed out one thing to me about my WIP, re: Female Characters. They’re a) Evil or b) Dead.

So here we goes. Scene (not a paragraph; I need more practice at this) from the POV of Character No. 1:

The blast of light ricocheted off the canyon walls, forcing shadows to scurry into cracks and melt underneath rocks.

“Jarrod.”

At the sound of his name again, his heart leaped.

The black star grew larger still. Two of its arms fringed. Feathers.

And with the fading of the white light into hues more normal, he could see on the feathers patterns of white.

Patterns he knew.

“You.”

That was his voice. That was his voice saying something his brain had urgently cried for many moments, watching the star grow larger. He spread his wings to fly but felt no strength in his muscles.

“You.”

“Yes, me. Who else should come?”

The voice too, softened with the waning white. He could see eyes in the dark face, moires of green and purple reflecting off the black feathers of the wings, the shoulders, the breast.

“But you’re dead. I saw you.”

“Yes,” Rebekah said. “Yet here I am again.”

She lit on the branch next to him and leaned into his side as she had always done, and when they touched the last of the white light snapped away and the world was vivid green and blue.

And from the POV of someone else:

The blast of light ricocheted off the canyon walls, forcing shadows to scurry into cracks and melt underneath rocks.

For a few moments, the only movement was that of birds in the air struggling to right themselves as the wave of light hit them.

Those on the ground froze, some rolled into tight balls and tried to hide under the rocks with the shadows.

Aloysius looked up to see Jarrod dumb on a branch jutting over the canyon, beak agape, staring into the quickly-waning light.

“It’s The Lady,” he thought. “Some hypnosis.”

He tried to croak out Jarrod’s name, but his throat was parched.

Then as the light faded he saw a black star at the center of it.

“Oh, the venom,” he thought, and shuddered. How long had he been held in thrall to The Lady’s blackness?

“Aloysius.”

Something like a jolt of lightning pinned him to the ground, set his long-broken teeth on edge.

“Aloysius.”

Just as suddenly, weightless. Young as a badger cub. Old as the mountains yet ready to race to their peaks. Race with . . .

“You’re dead. I know you’re dead.”

“Yet in the Sparrow-Minder, we all live again,” Landi said.

And the badger, teeth broken, right hind leg in a limp, blood spattered on his fur, felt new and clean as if he’d just emerged from one of the beavers’ ponds, his love at his side.

Conclusion: These scenes are bringing two characters – both female – back into the story. Can’t decide if this is a deus ex machina element, or if it’ll lead to something else. Need to study.