Bedtime Ritual

Me: Kids, I think you should put the books down. Is that so hard?

Kids: Well, no . . . and yes . . . Now it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with it! It's mine! I found it! It came to me!

Me: There's no need to get angry.

Kids: Well, if I am, it's your fault! It's mine. Mine . . . mine . . . My precious . . .

Me: Precious? It's been called that before, but not by you.

Kids: MAAAAHHHH! WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS WHAT I DO WITH MY OWN THINGS?

Me: I think you've had that book quite long enough.

Kids: You want it for yourself!

Me: BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHORES TO DO! I'm not trying to rob you. I'm trying to get you to bed.