GET SPECIFIC!!

A note to my students this week:

A common thing I’m seeing this week as I read your Thinking About Thinking essays is that, in many case, you hint at something that supports your thesis, but you don’t go into enough detail to really help me, as a reader, understand how your experience applies to your thesis.

For example (and this is an example I’ve created myself, not pulled from any class papers):

Being an educated person means listening to others who would have influence over you and learning to filter significant voices from noise.

My father, an immigrant to the United States from the Netherlands, was a man of few words, but he often said things that caused me to think about my own current situation and where I wanted my education to take me in the future. I have also had experiences where the Holy Ghost spoke to me, helping me see where decisions I make now can influence my future, for either good or ill.

At this point, I could go on to quote any of the writers we read for this assignment to further illustrate my thesis of listening to others and learning to filter what they say, but I’m sure most of you are thinking to yourselves something along these lines:

What did his Dad say to him to make him think about his education?

What did the Holy Ghost say to him, and what were the circumstances that led to him hearing the Holy Ghost’s voice?

This is always a difficult subject to broach, especially in the week we hear about Ophelia and Alexander Calandra’s student, but I am saying as a writer that when you pause long enough to add specific details to your writing, you become a more powerful writer.

Maybe this will convince you:

Being an educated person means listening to others who would have influence over you and learning to filter significant voices from noise.

My father, an immigrant to the United States from the Netherlands, was a man of few words, but he often said things that caused me to think about my own current situation and where I wanted my education to take me in the future.

Dad was a bricklayer and I worked many years as a hod carrier – a bricklayer’s assistant – for him. There came many days when the weather was foul and where I had to slog through rain, snow, mud, and cold to make sure he had enough supplies to work. When I got to grumbling too much, he’d say something like “Boy, at least you’re not at the Russian Front.” I knew enough about World War II to know what he was talking about – thousands of soldiers perished on that front due to cold, bad weather, and other calamities. I had to suffer only a few hours a day, while they had no surcease from the cold. The old Russian Front line got me to thinking: I know I’m earning money for school now, and eventually I’ll get a job that won’t require me to be out in the cold and rain all day long. Yeah, this stinks. But I’ll mean a future far from the Russian Front.

I have also had experiences where the Holy Ghost spoke to me, helping me see where decisions I make now can influence my future, for either good or ill.. . .

Adding that little bit of detail helps draw you into what I’m saying. I (hopefully) helps convince you that my desire to listen to other voices and listen to the significance of their words is a boon to my own education. Maybe you’d get the hint from my first attempt, but I hope the detail I offer in the second sticks with you a bit more.

This is the kind of thing I want to see you experimenting with in your writing. Dig deeper into your experiences – you are all wise people with interesting experiences to share. Share them.