10. Suffering through the agony of waking early every
morning to scan the headlines and pertinent websites in order to know what I’m
supposed to be outraged about or likely expected to comment on in an
ever-shifting squirrel-like attention span world.
9. Knowing that the picture of me in the pink bunny suit is
going to show up in an opponent’s attack ad with the caption: WOULD YOU WANT
THIS MAN FOR PRESIDENT?
9a. Knowing I was elected by a majority of voters who
watched that attack ad, saw the photo, and said “Why the hell not?”
8. Being considered “statesman-like” after I lose the
election, but clownish before the voting takes place.
7. Having to treat any of the major news networks seriously.
6. Figuring out, if elected, how I would out-Putin Vladimir
Putin.
5. Battling image consultants who would object to my daily
desire to go without shaving and appear in public wearing a ratty Disney’s
Haunted Mansion t-shirt and homemade felt pajama pants.
4. And socks with sandals.
3. Not being left off the hook if I answer any debate
question or news question with a “Damned if I know.”
3a. Knowing I was elected by a majority of voters who
watched the debate or news segment where I answered that question and said
“That’s my boy.”
2. Being forced to attend fundraisers, $10,000-a-plate
dinners and other such events and having to pretend to enjoy myself when I’d
really rather be home watching “Big
Baby” on YouTube.
1. The possibility – remote as it is – that I might win and
have to take on that crap job for four years.
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