Wednesday, December 15, 2021

NEW FEATURE: YouTube Free Movies. "Shattered Glass" and "Kangaroo Jack"

Starting a new and exciting feature here at Mister Fweem's blog. Or retreading something I've done here before and just not branded all that well. Or something.

Here's the premise: YouTube is offering free movies with ads. Probably trying to compete with Netflix and other streaming services for eyeballs, particularly as they're offering questionable movies in their free category to bait you into renting more quality content from their paid service.

Because I'm cheap, I go for the free. But, you know, I pay for it in other ways.

So this installment features two films:

Shattered Glass

This 2003 film tells the story of Stephen Glass, a writer for The New Republic who fabricated the majority of the stories he wrote for the magazine. It stars Hayden Christensen, who apparently is making a career of playing whiny, unlikable characters. (Seriously, if I had a co-worker who said "Are you mad at me" as often and as pathetically as Christensen plays Glass, I'd want to die.)

I'll admit to watching YouTube highlights of the film many times. When I watched the full film, I realized I hadn't missed much by watching just the highlight reels.

The film tries to tell a story or something about honesty and integrity, but as the flashback moments come almost exclusively through the eyes of Glass, it's more a tale of hubris and regret. And maybe that's the real message of the film.

So, my recommendation: Skip the film, watch the highlights. Unless you don't know the story, then watch the film.


Kangaroo Jack

This film, also from 2003, carries a warning in the trailer: The kangaroo wears sunglasses.

I have long had a rule that says if an animal is featured in a film's promotional material and at any time that animal is shown wearing sunglasses, it's best to avoid that movie as they are universally bad. I remember seeing previews for the film and thinking, "Yeah, this might work. But SUNGLASSES ON THE KANGAROO."

Nevertheless, I decided to give it a try.

And stinkerino.

First of all, the premise that these two mooks have valid passports enabling them to travel to Australia at a moment's notice is laughable.

And then there's the traveling to Australia montage: Koalas, check. Kangaroos, check. Ayers Rock, check, Men at Work (and you know what song I'm taking about because in Americans' view, they only ever wrote one song), check. Drinking game at an Outback bar, check. Trouble with Aussie slang, check. Finding an American who can help them bridge the two worlds, check. This move hit all the pre-packaged Australian cultural hot buttons, right down to worrying if the dingoes they see ate someone's baby.

I couldn't finish, once the juvenile humor in a PG-rated film got too crass. I mean, I didn't have high expectations to begin with, and I was not wrong. And Christopher Walken was in this. Did he owe somebody a favor? I mean, there might have been other big-name actors in the film, but as an officially out-of-it Gen X fud, I didn't recognize any of them.

And I didn't care. Because what I saw was bad.

Also, I don't recall watching a single ad in this film, even though it was on YouTube's free with ads channel. Apparently, no brand wanted to besmirch itself with an animal-in-sunglasses movie either.

So, my recommendation: Stick with the sunglasses rule; it will never steer you wrong.


Addendum: Just discovered this film won the "Favorite Fart in A Movie" category in the 2004 Kids' Choice Awards. Just to let you know what caliber of film you'd be watching if you choose to break the Sunglasses Rule.

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