Monday, May 21, 2012

Please Release Me

I’m old school. I remember seeing my first JibJab video after waiting for nearly 30 minutes for it to download – I was on dialup at the time. So I know what waiting is for. I know why they included “web” in World Wide Web.

Heck, I remember when they called the internet the World Wide Web.Nothat we’ve got high-speed internet, I’ve got a lot more time for stuff, including adjusting the onion I have hanging on my belt – hey, that was they style at the time.

But I hate the tether.

The idea that every little app I have on my Kindle Fire has to be constantly connected to the internetty-thingy for some reason or other.

I say nay, nay.

Some things I can understand why we need the tether, Mandrake. But childrens’ games, Mandrake? Childrens’ games. Do we really need the tether for that? We don’t, of course. But of course the developers do. Just in case during these games we get so tired of the limits placed on us that we break down and buy our way through these games.

Not me, bub. Homey don’t play that. Though Homey does come up with a lot of pop culture references to explain why he does or does not do things.

I’ve got an app, for instance, put out by Audubon to help me identify birds. It thoughtfully includes videos, sound clips, photos, etc. Unless I’m, you know, actually out in the wild, far away from the dock, ahoy, without a wi-fi connection. Then those extras aren’t available to me, so I’m left dumbfounded (I’m used to that) staring up at the bird that just shat on my Kindle because the bird-identifying app is virtually useless without a wi-fi connection.

I’ve got another app on wilderness survival that – yessir – has to be tethered to the internet for full functionality. Yes, I could pay for the ten-peso version that’s untethered. But I don’t want to; it’s in the same repo room as my floor. So I’m stuck here walking around in the pipes because I don’t want to be tethered. Though it might still prove useful in a wilderness survival situation; once the app works I know it’s on wi-fi, and if I keep wandering in a direction that shows the wi-fi signal getting stronger, that’ll likely get me to civilization.

Maybe I’ll just go back to trying to get my rocker to fit on my suburban porch. That’s more my speed.

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