Hey Scammers, Do Better

I used to sincerely worry that if I kept pointing out that a tell-tale sign of a scam is poor sentence structure and grammar on the website that the scammers would get smarter, brush up their English, and thus slip, undetected, into the continued maelstrom that is social media scam-baiting.

But I guess I needn't worry; even with "About Us" pages this bad, the scammers keep finding enough willing dupes to make their efforts worthwhile, and probably profitable.

Behold:

In case your eyes are like mine and can't make out the small print, I'll transcribe:

Welcome to our online shopping store!

We're devoted to giving you the leading and a assortment of the items with most elevated quality of items, that are ensured to meet your needs and keep you fulfilled! We have committed staffs and key accomplices who help us investigate and make the items that bring the foremost esteem to our clients. We continuously keep an eye on the most recent patterns for such kind of our items and ceaselessly improve our items and out our customer's wishes first.

Our mission is to bring clients the leading involvement when utilizing our items in both item quality and benefit quality. The interface of our clients are continuously the best priority for us, so we trust you may appreciate our items as much as we appreciate making them accessible to you.

Follow us for the latest products, news, and updates.

Store owner.

I'll go over this a few times to make sure I don't introduce any errors; they've got enough on their own. Oh, the spelling is on point. But this sounds like what 99% of scammy websites sound like: Something that's been poured into a translator and spat back out, a la Jimmy James:

Of course, no one is going to see this, because they're all too focused on the up-from-obscurity and by-his-bootstraps story of the inevitable genius college youngster who saw a need and filled it but is being pushed around by Big whatever -- in this case, Big Bug Zapper -- and is struggling to bring his product to market. Nevermind that the same product can be found advertized by a dozen different names, some of which end up linked to nifty little web pages like this:

Every site you find live mentions there are only X number in stock, with X,XXX number of people hovering on the page which has one of those handly little clocks counting down in MINUTES from when the deal will end, only for the clock to either reset or start counting in negative numbers. The number of items available never changes, but the number of people watching soars toward the end, likely to present the idea of scarcity.

And the comments are no better; filled with bots and accounts of people that've been taken over as if they were San Franciscans and Donald Sutherland had spotted them.

It's fun because sometimes the bots talk to each other in their cute little babble-speak and you get a nice warm, atificicial feeling, the same you get when two bits of electrical equipment are interfering with each other.

But they must sell enough product to make the pages worthwhile, and the customers get what they paid for: A shiny bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts.