Black Friday, Part II; Or the Return of Varlene Murdock

So after the briefest of reposes, Michelle and I were at it again at Wal-Mart this morning. She was there for two portable DVD players to buy for the ward library. I was there as kind of a tag-along, though I was stationed by the 4 gig SD cards because they're cheap and we need a bunch. Wal-Mart, I have to admit, played it pretty smart. They let us inside rather than leaving us as a seething, trampling mass at the door. So she stood by the DVD players, I stood by the SD cards, and we got what we wanted.

We also saw Varlene Murdock. Of course she asked if we'd actually gone home or if we'd just hung out in Wal-Mart for five hours. I did tell her that we had in fact gone home and slept for a while.

Next we went to Kmart, which, after 45 minutes of shopping inside, I still swear is being run as a junior class economics project. Their value cards, which they're hawking to everyone in the store, don't seem to be keyed into their computer system which is no nevermind either since their sale prices aren't in either. As Michelle checked receipts as we sat at McDonalds across the parking lot, she noticed it was rife with errors. So she returned and won her battles. And again I saw Varlene Murdock and accused her of following us. She laughed at that.

So next we went to Porters, our local pricey little craft, game and knick-knack store. I was three-quarters of the way into getting Michelle another game for Christmas when she said, offhand, that we'd better play the games we have at home more before we buy any more games. So I got her some straight pins and quilting tacks instead. And as we were standing at the games debating some other purchases, Varlene Murdock came at us out of the aisles, shook her head and said, "You know, you should just tell me where you're going next so I can just get in your car!"

Black Friday, Part I

Given the bleak retail landscape in the Recession That Will Never End, retailers are really pulling out the stops to get people to shop this year. And finally, they're catering to night owls.

I know there's not a lot of difference between midnight and five am, but both my wife and I are much more functional at the latter than at the former. We love to stay up late and sleep in when we can, and when we can't, well, we just stay up not so late as we'd like. So to be at Wal-Mart at midnight tonight was a good thing for the both of us, even if that means we still have other places to hit later today.

We struck out on one item: A remote-control truck for Isaac. His brother has one, and while Isaac has a little one, he'd like one that's a bit more robust. We did get him a remote-control Corvette, so we're hoping that'll make up for not getting a truck.

The biggest find for the night, however, was Varlene Murdock. The Murdocks have lived across the street from my mother for years, and they're an awesome family. Many years ago, Dad had a dream that he sneaked over to the Murdock's house late at night, cut a hole through her kitchen window and reached in to sneak a piece of the wedding cake that was sitting on the table. He got his hand slapped because also sitting at the kitchen table was Varlene, watching for any cake-snatching miscreants.

So, thusfar, Black Friday is a success for us, merely because I got to relive that funny memory. We'll see what else the day brings us.

Black Friday

Black Friday is getting to be more like a plane crash every year in that it's the bad experiences that get reported. Planes take off and land every day; folks do their Black Friday shopping every year. It's just the crashes and the bad behavior that get the ink.

I guess you find what you look for, or at least figure in that demented journalistic way that it's what isn't normal that gets reported. This, unfortunately and I think intentionally, creates a warped view of the world as a whole, as the bad stuff gets emphasized. If one sees nothing but bad behavior in the news, one assumes that the only kind of behavior out there is bad behavior. One's own sense of superiority and entitlement on looking down on others also kicks in. If you're looking for the bad in humanity and get a confirmation of what you expect to see, then you are absolutely right, even if the view you're being presented is skewed incredibly towards the bad. It's a rare occasion for a plane to crash, but when it does, it's news. The planes that take off and land without incident aren't news, apparently. So good behavior on Black Friday isn't news, because -- let's face the truth here -- it's the norm.

Michelle and I went to our local Wal-Mart this morning because of on item -- a $18 microwave. We have a microwave, but we live the sheltered kind of life that leads us to believe that if an appliance is broken it can be repaired. We've got a good repairman, but apparently the part he needs to fix the machine has to be ordered from Elbonia and they can't get the plane out of the mud. So we decided to buy an emergency backup microwave so we can do the sundry things that a microwave allows: Heating food and popping popcorn. Personally, the latter is much more important to me than the former, but that's just me talking.

So we got to Wal-Mart just before 5 am, expecting bedlam. There was no line at all. They let the hordes in a half hour early so they could begin their shopping. Some weren't after the hot-ticket items and so were happily perusing the aisles. Those who were after the biggies were waiting, patiently, by the piles of bounty for 5 am and the starting whistle of the Wal-Mart crew, before the grabbing began. Yes, I said actually waiting. Some had their hands on the merchandise, others did not. But no where in the store did I see anyone grabbing anything early. It was all being guarded, of course, by associates with no more weaponry than stern looks, roped-off aisles and hand-lettered signs saying "Not available until 5 am. This was civility personified. People were laughing, helping each other, for example, find the right size of kids' boots they wanted. Nobody was mad.

Even after the whistles blew, bedlam did not ensue. Sure, people scooped stuff up, but civilly, without hitting or elbowing or body-checking. Nothing at all like that. Friendly-like.

Waiting in line was the worst, just for the wait, not because of any bad behavior. We happened to be in line just in front of the lady who bought our van about a month ago. We talked about the van and other topics, joking with those around us about the crowds and the frenzy, but nobody got mad. Nobody shoved in line. We got through quickly enough Michelle decided she wanted to dive back into the store for another item.

I took our stuff out to the Pilot, encountering on the way a young couple trying to squeeze a 50-inch LCD TV into the trunk of their very small sedan. Soon enough we had the TV loaded in the Pilot and I was chatting with the guy as his wife drove us out to their apartment complex on the other side of town. So there were good vibrations and happiness and flowers and rainbows coming out of everyone's bums this morning.

Capitalism, I have to say, behaved exceptionally well for us this morning. Take that, Karl Marx.

Update: A day later, CNN.com grudgingly admits that shoppers and retailers behaved themselves, though it appears they, too, were waiting for the bloodshed:

Although Black Friday seemed to be missing the usual mayhem associated with it, the good news for merchants was that shoppers eagerly spent money on toys, cashmere sweaters, Snuggie blankets and gadgets at juicy discounts.

Compared to previous years, Cohen said the Black Friday atmosphere appeared to "be more tame."

"Look, retailers have been educating consumers for days before Black Friday on what their deals are going to be and on what items," said Cohen. "That's partly why we're not seeing the frenziness."

To his point, although the Toys R Us flagship store in Times Square had lines that were hundreds deeps for its midnight opening on Black Friday, it wasn't unruly at any point.

At least one can assume since they use New York City as an example, they were anticipating an urban or at least a suburban ruckus. More to the point, however, I'd like to point out that once again those writing and being quoted in the story are assuming that bad behavior -- perhaps not bloodshed, but shoving, screaming, cursing, et cetera -- is the norm, which, as I have already said, it is not. And some may sneer at the Snuggies, but at least people weren't buying Bumpits.

From what we saw: Gigantic packages of picture frames, big-screen TVs and digital picture frames (at $54 a pop, no less; why I have to ask) were the most sought-after items. And towels. Cartloads of towels at our local Wal-Mart, in Rainbow Brite colors.

What drives me to participate in Black Friday? The uniqueness of it all. Seeing all those crowds filling the stores, piling carts to the ceiling, waiting bored in the checkout lines. And that thrill of the bargain. It kind of harks back to our hunter-gatherer days, though it's hard to imagine why our ancestors would have hunted and gathered digital photo frames and cheap towels. But I have to imagine that some of the H-Gs came home with some meat and also some worthless junk -- skulls, feathers, horns, et cetera -- that they could "find something to do with" at home. Maybe hang it on the wall.

Black Friday, for the Curious

After having read the typical, shameful stories of Black Friday mayhem (two shot and killed at a Toys "backwards-R" Us in California and a temporary Wal-Mart employee trampled to death in greater New York City; guess it's not just the hicks who like Wal-Mart) I thought I'd report on our much more tame, safe and humane experiences of the morning -- the worst of which was listening to some lady from Pocatello get tense and holler at some folks waiting to get into Target in a rather menacing way -- they weren't waiting in line.

3:30 am. I awake when the alarm is supposed to go of. Good thing, since I forgot to turn it on. Better thing, since the alarm wakes us to a scratchy AM country-western radio station.

4 am. My wife drops me off at Target to stand in line, while she goes on to Kohl's nearby, which opened at 4 am.

4:12, 4:16, 4:27, 4:38, 4:55, 5:01. I check my various timepieces (embarassingly enough, I have four of them, but NONE of them are a watch. I have a pager, cell phone, iPod and pedometer that tell the time. And also have a compass in the stock), in anticipation of Target opening at 5 am.

5:11 am. Realize Target isn't opening until 6 am. So I spend more time listening to music composed for orchestra and Jew's harp by an eighteenth-century German, plus Christmas carols sung by John Denver.

5:38 am. Michelle arrives. Surprised to find me still standing in front of the store. I'm freezing.

6 am. The doors open. Bedlam ensues, but I avoid it. Everyone else makes a hard right past the doors towards electronics. I make a beeline to the back of the store, where I run into a few of the guys I worked with at Target in 2005. They razz me -- "You don't work here any more but you still have to come in! Ha ha!" I do feel like a moron. But I get what I came for -- and am the ONLY person in the back of the store. I wander to the front, pay for my item, then toddle out to the van, only then realizing in the misty sleet that Michelle, who is still inside the store in the middle of the bedlam, has the keys. As my item weighs more than 200 pounds, I can't exactly put it in my pocket. I go back into the store and wait, not realizing that Michelle has borrowed a cell phone to call me on mine, which I cannot hear ringing. I feel like an idiot.

Round about 6:40. We leave Target for Kmart and buy many things I cannot list here because my children are getting more Internet-savvy.

7:48 am. We're now at Wal-Mart, frantically trying to find the one $10 item our daughter really, really, REALLY wants. A blue-clad store employee tells us they're sold out. But, fighting the crowds pawing through a few returns carts in the toy section, I find TWO of them. Feel like a big hero until we walk to the front of the store where we find an entire pallet of the same item.

8:12 am. We're eating a Crew Sandwich at Gandolfos. I can feel the grease doing me a lot of good.

8:37 am. I drop Michelle off at Porters, while I head into Best Buy. The real reason I go in there is to ensure that the deal I got on her Christmas package is still unbeaten. It is. I am the ruler of finding all things Christmassy.

9:20 am. We're back at Kmart, returning a few items for which we found better replacements at other stores.

10 am. We're back at the in-laws. Time for a nap.