Fleck the Walls

You folks (all two of you) are so lucky. I was just about to bore you with a technical communicator document here, but decided at the last minute I'd bore my class with it first. Once they've commented on it, I can augment its overall boringitude and then post it here, where it will incite a tsunami of boredom on the Web that will, well, be very boring.

Instead, I will tell a brief story about Lexie, our six-year-old. She's heavily into reading, sounding out new words and making connections to familiar words (in sound) once she sounds them out in print. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. A few nights ago, she read the word "bowels" (we were reading the sciptires; bowels isn't a word often encountered in Dr. Seuss). She got an excited look on her face and said, "Like the song! 'Deck the halls with bowels of holly!'" I ruptured my duodenum trying not to laugh at my charming, sensitive daughter, while Michelle explained to Lexie the difference between bowels and boughs.

Want Some Candy?

This is what we did today:

We went to Home Depot to buy a new swing for the swingset. We left with a new swing for the swingset and a receipt for a new clothes dryer, which will be delivered in two weeks.

We accepted candy from a stranger. We were at Winco, just finishing loading up our groceries. This nice old man came up to the passenger side of the van where Michelle was and asked if he could give our kids some treats: little choo-choo trains made of a pack of guym, a pack of Lifesavers, a little box of nerds and four mint candies. He only brought two over. Saw we needed three. So he wandered back to his car (a nice one, possibly a Cadillac. I was watching. Didn't want to take candy from some guy driving an Uncle Buck car.) and brought another one to us. Don't know who he was. But I can't iamgine some old guy getting his thrills by passing out poisoned candy to toddlers at WinCo. On the way home, however, we told the kids: Don't ever take candy from strangers, unless Mom and Dad are there. What kinds of lessons are we teaching?

Also today: Took my brother Randy out to lunch. We are party animals.

Guilty Guiltiness, Part II

Frank Herbert is an interesting writer. God Emperor of Dune, like his other Dune books, is a set of conversations. Very static situations, interspersed very conservatively with action sequences that are over in the matter of a few pages. He treats action with kid gloves, while giving conversation full focus. So why am I caught up in this book? Admittedly, it's a simpler read than Dune. But might that be due to the fact I'm now familiar with Herbert's architecture, so that reading this book is easier than when I was a Dune acolyte? I found the same with Tolkein's The Silmarillion. Tried to read that as a youngster and just couln't get through it. No Bilbo whatsoever. But in the meantime, I've read LOTR over and over again. Michelle got The Silmarillion for me a few Christmases ago, and I was able to sit and read it, and actually enjoy it. The difference was I'd filled up on Tolkein before coming back to this book. Frank Smith is right in Understanding Reading that it's easier to read if you can rely on your prior knowledge.

Reminds me of Phil Connors' line from Groundhog Day: "Maybe that's how God got to be God. He's just been around for so long, he knows everything." I know that's not a direct quote; it's a paraphrase. But it's close enough to the original I'm not bothered.

On to other news: THe raids on the FLDS compound in El Dorado, Texas. Glad they did it. Utah and Arizona should have gotten more involved in breaking this mess up when the group was still in Hildale, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona. Don't know why they didn't. But then there's a lot of sentiment in that area that this is a question of religious tolerance, elthough it's hard to see why when we, tolerant of religion, wouldn't want to see our own children forced into ploygamous relationships. There's a big disconnect here. You didn't see people saying Elizabeth Smart's kidnappers, who put her into a polygamous relationship, should have been allowed to do so. But, they argue, that was a kidnapping. Not voluntary. I counter: What's gone on in El Dorado, marrying off children to grown adults, didn't sound all that voluntary either. Shame on them.

Don't Leave Me With the Germans!

I know there's no one out there reading this. That doesn't bother me. There's so much noise on the Internet these days, I don't know why I bother adding to it. I look at it as a way to avoid feeling guilty about not journaling regularly, though this hardly counts as a journal, since there are things I don't care to write down for public consumption.
There are a few things about blogs that make me laugh, though:
Young bucks doing research for school assignments or whatever seem to think anything (and I mean anything) posted on the Internet, no matter the source, is legitimate. Reminds me of the Dilbert comic for the day:

Am I saying they're dumb? Dumb is such a harsh word. Lazy is probably a better way to describe it. I ought to know, because I succumb to laziness myself most days, but the Internet has made laziness infinitely easier to accomplish. Now, I know laziness was around long before the Internet. It's just . . . easier now. Want information on WIC? Just do a Google search and stumble around until you find someone who has some semblance of knowledge on the subject! No matter that there are people who really know the subject you could speak with, the Internet makes things easier because you don't actually have to care if what you're reading is correct. Yes, I'm being harsh. And, yes, I've done this kind of slipshod research myself. But I find it ironic that in a generation that assumes the government is lying about everything in the universe, including about the universe itself, the same generation assumes that the truth really is out there, just a few clicks away. Don't consult the experts who are tools of The Man, but cite the nutjobs and pseudo-experts who pull their information out of who knows where.
Case in point: There's a video on YouTube (a fountain of pure knowledge) featuring some nutter jabbering about a "nuclear accident" in Idaho, back in March. Yes, he has an element of truth: nuclear accident. But he launches into a sweeping assumption that the accident is on a massive scale at the Idaho National Laboratory and that the government and media is covering it up, when, in fact, if he had bothered to Google anything but a public description of the INL on the web, he would have quickly discovered the accident was a broken gauge at a private facility in Idaho Falls. So, the basic truth (nuclear accident) was true. But the treatment (NUCLEAR ACCIDENT!?!?!?!?!!!!!) is patently false. And he's praised for "getting the truth out there."
Yes, it's an extreme example. But I look at it as evidence that the Internet, in many ways, is dumbing us down, much like Aldous Huxley predicted in Brave New World.
And while I'm ranting: Yesterday I read a report on the BBC that visitors of Knut the polar bear in a zoo in Germany were shocked, shocked! to see their favorite cuddly little carnivore pulling fish out of the water in his cage and eating them. They were shocked that a CARNIVORE was doing its job, and questioned why the zoo would allow such an effrontery in public. These are, of course the same Germans who come to Yellowstone and are shocked when the buffalo gore them rather than stand placidly still while they get their pictures taken. (I know. Blanket attack on the Germans. But I'm with Basil Fawlty on this one.)
Another example: This was on Digg a while back. Somebody sent in a picture of a test on which a student had given an "incorrect" answer. The test was on opposites. The word (in this case, a suffix) was "pro-". The answer given: "Noob." As in newbie. Internet newbie. An answer given by an Internet moron.
Call me a nitpicker. Please. Because that's what I am.

A Guilty. . .Guiltiness

Yes, you've read right. I'm reading a Frank Herbert book. I know he has that reputation of believing he's smarter than everyone else in the universe, and for writing books that could very well be soap operas if they weren't so damn long, but there's just something compelling about reading Herbert. You can count on his characters being arrogant, God-like, weak-minded and sneaky when they need to be. Sure, you could say the characters don't change from book to book, just the names do. Go ahead. I say it. But his books are still a joy to read.

My favorite? The White Plague. I'd like to see someone make a movie of that one, but as with his other books, it would be a hard one to translate onto the screen. I like this one because there's an air of plausability about his tale of bioterrorism that you just don't get in other tales, because he has the talent to fill things out. The only thread I didn't much understand was the killing of the Pope in Philadelphia. He lost me on that.

I hear that someone's making a third attempt at filming Dune. Good luck to them. . .

Moses . . . Moses . . .

“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.” Charlton Heston

Found this quote today while reading a TIME article about Charlton Heston. You know, whether you like his conservative politics or not, you’ve got to admit he was quite the iconic actor. I just had to wonder, contemplating his death, whether any of the following things happened after he died:

1) Was he greeted in heaven by a half-buried, tumble-down replica of the State of Liberty?
2) Did the real Moses ask for his autograph?
3) Did he immediately walk onto the set of Something Odd Happened on the Way to Heaven and get top billing?
4) Was there a chorus of Egyptian slave girls there singing “Death came unto thee, death came unto thee?”

I’d like to think No. 2 happened. And maybe No. 4. No. 4 has significance in my family – many moons ago, after watching one of the televised showings of The Ten Commandments, one of the older kids got into trouble over something or other. As Mom was meting out the punishment, the offender began singing “Death come unto me, death come unto me,” as does, I believe, the wife of the pharaoh after one of the plagues in the movie. So we sing that little couplet every time we get in trouble.

I don’t object to his politics. He marched for freedom during the 1960s Civil Rights era, and he fought for gun rights in the 1990s. He really got castigated for his stance on guns, for his presidency of the National Rifle Association. I say, so what? I’m not exactly a gun nut. I don’t own any, and don’t plan on owning any. But it doesn’t bother me if other people want to own guns. The anti-gun-nuts feel like I’m a traitor because since I’m not slavering to have guns banned, I must want to have my children murdered or something. Same goes for the pro-gun-nuts, who believe since I don’t want a gun in my house that I may as well put a sign up on the house saying “Crazed maniacs, burgle this house and kill all therein, here lie no weapons.” (That the crazed maniacs will likely come in with guns, and that most crimes committed with guns in home break-ins are committed with guns the crazed maniacs find in the home are immaterial, or so it seems.) So he can wave around all the guns he wants. Doesn’t mean he didn’t make an excellent Moses.

Right now would come the time to argue that “Hollywood just doesn’t make them like that any more.” That may be partially true; I find it hard to believe anyone would authorize a Bible epic that didn’t feature some damning new theory to undermine those who have faith in the Bible. They’d find someone who’d agree to play the Moses hopped up on drugs as he ascended Mount Sinai, as believes some Biblical scholar. So I won’t go into that.

I rather liked three of his movies: The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, and Planet of the Apes. He's basically the same character in all three movies, but then again, you don't watch CHarlton Heston for characterization. You watch because he's this no-nonsense, take-charge I-Wanna-Be-Like-Him tough guy persona that didn't let rebellious Israelites, slavery, (Oxford comma!) or a planet ruled by damned dirty apes get him flustered.

Speaking of dead guys. . .

Arthur C. Clarke, another icon in another way, also recently died. Imperial Earth was the first book of his that I read, and, aside from seeing snippets of the film 2001: A Space Odyssey, that was my introduction to him. I still look at Imerial Earth as a fine novel. Though, as I read his other books, I wonder, why did he get so obsessed with zero-gravity sex? A mystery for the ages, I suppose.

Scunthorpe!

Just a quick message today. Trying out the laptop on a wireless network; I've got to get one working at home. It's just a lot of fun. And also helps me keep up with the security updates and such on this thing.

We're in Salt Lake today. Yesterday, we spent the entire day driving all over the valley with Michelle's friend Carol from England (Scunthorpe, to be exact. That's fun to type. Scunthorpe. Scunthorpe. Scunthorpe.). Did a lot of shopping. We even went to a Wal-Mart, which she thought was fabulous. I just thought it was weird to go to a Wal-Mart with a parking garage. Weird.

Conference starts again. Now I leave.

Is It Spring Yet?

Stumbled across this the other day, cleaning out a few files on my computer:

Still think he'd make a good site mascot. But then where would Nose Hair Man go? Nowhere. That's it.

Winter is still here. We had snow a few days ago, and the mercury's struggled to get above freezing this week. Our tulips, however, are still doggedly growing, even though some of their compatriots are still covered in snow we shoveled off the roof. Enough snow has disappeared I've finally been able to start taking down the Christmas lights. I'd like to get them off the cherry trees before they bloom, because those flowers are fragile as it is, without a bunch of lights banging against them in the wind. Of course, that's assuming we get summer this year, which we may not. Brings to mind the summer of 1816, commonly known among trivia nerds as "The Year Without Summer." Volcanic eruptions in Indonesia caused wild temperature fluctuations, June blizzards and iced-over lakes in August in the eastern U.S. and Canada, as well as northern Europe. There's more here, but, of course, I'm quoting Wikipedia, so I may be wrong:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_Without_a_Summer

Still, it's interesting. Makes you wish this whole global warming thing was a big sham. Of course, back in 1816, they were going thorugh a "mini" Ice Age, in which global temperatures plummeted. Ol' Mother Nature is a weird one.

Hellllllp

I need help. I have Burt Bacharach's "The Blob" going through my head right now. The song, not the protean mass that globbed around like Jell-o and decimated a small town of B-movie actors. There are certainly worse things I could have bubbling in me noggin' at the moment, but this is pretty close to the top of the list.

Today sucks. A fellow technical writer got laid off. That's bad, because it means he's now out on his rear, looking for a job. It also makes me the low man on the totem pole, with the big target on my back for the next time there's a layoff. I have, however, been protected. This is the second time we've lost a writer since I started working here, and the second time I've been protected in the hierarchy by having someone lower on the pole than I. So that means third time will be the charm.

The Power of Pee

I've never been one for April Fools jokes, so there'll be no frivolity here. Elsewhere on the web they're having their yukks, but not here, in this quiescent corner where the cholesterol gathers. Everyone thinks they're so darned funny. I used to. But as I get older, I'm beginning to notice that the line between funny and damned annoying is razor-thin.

Am involved in a discussion now on the proper length for content on a web page. One party seems to believe that there ought to be a minimum of scrolling, or no scrolling at all. I'm not quite sure what he means by that, as there aren't many pages out there at all that don't demand a little mickey. I know I don't mind at all if I have to scroll through a page to get what I want. But then I've learned that I'm not what you'd call normal when it comes to preferences like that. It's a contant battle to remind myself that just because I like something or don't mind something, that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who get bug-eyed by the things that don't bother me. Perhaps if I were a more reactionary person, I'd be more sensitive to that kind of thing, but since I'm not, it's difficult to imagine.

Got the truck back out of hock yesterday. I guessed, last week, that there might be something wrong with the thermostat. Seems I was right, as that's what the mechanic replaced, to the tune of $84.99. I assume, by the price, that the thermostat is platinum-plated.

A sum like that, fifteen years ago, would have been staggering to have to pay. Of course, back then I was a poverty-stricken college kid. Now I'm a big professional. Of some sort, we're not quit certain of what. Of course, it helps that, last week, I dropped $50 on gas without blinking. God help us.

That reminds me. Last week, I saw a video clip about this fellow who invented a process that allows his car to run for 100 miles on four ounces of water. I'd buy one, I'll tell you that. But then you'd see the price of water go through the ceiling, and farmers in Iowa would be working on turning their corn into water, et cetera, so who knows if it would make a big difference. Now, if they invented a car that ran on pee, that would be a bigger leap in the right direction. It's just water with supplements, isn't it? Of course, you'd have your high-octane pee, which you get after working hard and getting dehydrated, and then your light sweet pee, which you get after you drink lots of water.

I'll put this video here to prove I'm not pulling an April Fools gaggle. Of course, since this is from Fox News, many of you won't believe it anyway. Choose as you will.

This post has derailed something terribly. I'll leave now.