Tuesday, May 31, 2011

First Day of Summer Vacation, or Can We Kill the Kids Yet?

NOTE: Thought I’d blog this email I got from Michelle this morning, in reaction to this comic which I sent to her earlier in the day. Names have been changed to protect the, well, perpetrators.

This is precisely how I feel this morning. Dottie [the dachshund puppy] had me up until nearly 5:30, then up again by 7:10. Child No. 1 came in at 7:15 to claim her -- that's good, right? Wrong. For the next 45 minutes, every five minutes the kids had to come in with a report:

Child No. 1: "Mom? I took Dottie outside. She went pee twice and poop twice."
Child No. 1: "Mom? Dottie wants you." (followed by dog scrambling around on bed and biting me on the face.)
Child No. 1: "Mom! Mom! Child No. 2 keeps putting Dottie under Child No. 3's box and she doesn't like it!"
Child No. 2: "Oooooooooooooooooh! Ooooooooooohhhhhh! My stomach hurts! Oooooooohhhhh!"
Child No. 2: "Mom, I sat on the potty, but I still feel sick. Ooooooohhhhh!"
Child No. 2: (now 'resting' on our bed) "Mom, I know how to spell sneeze. S-N-E-Z-E."
Child No. 2" "Mom? How do you spell 'Chris'?" (followed by Child No. 2 attempting to spell several versions)
Child No. 1: "Mom, Dottie wants you." (followed by dog once again scrambling around bed)
Child No. 2: "Mom? Can I hold Dottie? Pleeeeeeeeeeeaze?"
Child No. 2: "I think using the potty might have helped a little bit."

None of this dialog should be confused with Dottie scraping at the cardboard in the kitchen and yelping and whimpering, or the three doors the kids slammed, or Child No. 3 singing in the kitchen and at some point yelling "[Child No. 2]” or the kids having various squabbles about Dottie in general.

I started breakfast at 8 a.m.

Sort of makes you jealous you didn't take another day off, doesn't it?

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