My Rules for Fantasy Writers

I am not an expert at writing novels. I have read a fair amount of them in my day, though. So just a few thoughts.

Most important? Rule 13.

1. You should know something about riding horses, tack, and horses in general if there are going to be horses in your book. It’s reins, not reigns.
2. No one outside of a book has ever asked “What is the meaning of this?”
3. Learn what homophones are. Use the correct ones. You can hurtle out of a wood. You can also hurdle out of a wood, if you’re jumping over something. If you’re not jumping, you’re hurtling.
4. If it sounds like advice from Dr. Ronald Chevalier¹, don’t do it. Especially when it comes to character names.
5. If you include a map in your book, the last thing you want to do it slap it on a page with a big label that says “MAP”. We know what maps are.
6. Don’t let Dr. Ronald Chevalier suggest place names for your map.
7. Plan plausible poisonings.
8. Don’t stuff your characters’ bums with tweed² – unless that’s their thing.
9. Don’t make them sound too contemporary – unless they are.
10. Don’t make your characters too serious – unless they are.
11. If a character makes a joke, don’t stand around waiting for the reader to get it. Unless that’s part of the joke.
12. Figure out, sincerely, if dark-skinned people blush³. Don’t rely on blushes as they only way your characters show embarrassment.
13. Don’t let violation of the rules stop you from reading a fantasy novel. You might miss a good story.⁴

¹ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdpFpfIBkXc

² https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/bum-be-stuffed-with-tweed.2359941/

³ https://www.quora.com/Can-black-people-blush

⁴ Unless the novel is “Little, Big” by John Crowley, then stop away.