All that Matters

I have read in the ancillary news and on social media of the many things that were not there at the time of Christ's birth. It may have been a stable. It may have been a cave. It may have been a house, and wherever it was, it's certain there were no animals there. Nor were the Wise Men, who may have come years after his birth, or shepherds, who may or may not have seen the star at all.

These tales are told, they say, due to Christians subverting elements of the pagan holiday, or adornments added through every action from hubris to innocent ignorance. The underlying message in these stories ranges from gentle reconciliation of the Gospels to modern tsk-ing that anyone would believe in such twaddle.

And some are passing around a 3-D rendering of Andre the Giant and chuckling at the idiot Christians who rail against the claim it is what Joseph looked like.

What the stories fail to do - and what the shaming and correcting and eye-rolling cannot undo is to tell me what was there:

Wonderful.

Counsellor.

The Mighty God, the Everlasting Father: the Prince of Peace.

And that, in the end, is all that matters.

Christmas Song Watch 2009 Comes to A Close

Yes, if you're thinking the same thing reading this post, it was a light year for Christmas Song Watch. The biggest part of it is that there's no longer a radio at work blaring out the Christmas songs, so I wasn't exposed to as many this year.

I did, however, threaten to stuff a sock into my five-year-old's mouth today at Wal-Mart (yes, all you folks who love to go to Wally World to watch parents abuse their children, 'twas me) because he kept singing a novelty Christmas song from either "Merry Madagascar" or the other similarly-themed movie featuring the penguins. Aside from the bone I have to pick about these stupid animals being all newyork on us all over the place, the song was just stupid. So stupid, in fact, it's probably on YouTube. Be bac in a sec.

Ugh. It's probably there somewhere, but I'm not going to look for it any more.

Yeah, I'm sure I sang a novelty song or two when I was a kid, but they seem to have proliferated these days. Get off my lawn.

Song Watch, Checking In

I haven't done much by way of the 2009 Christmas Song Watch, but I do have this to report:

• The song Christmas Shoes is as treacly this year as in years past.
• Elvis has a song out there -- I can't remember which one; I may have successfully blocked it from my memory -- that definitely would have gotten him kicked off American Idol.
• Johnny Mathis has recorded many, many Christmas songs.
• It's either Mannheim Steamroller or the Trans-Siberian Orchestra -- likely the latter -- who have a heavy-metal version of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite that is likely making the man spin in his grave, and he didn't much like the music in its original form.
• Eartha Kitt sings the best version of Santa Baby, though the song is still eternally annoying.

Christmas Song Watch, 2009

Just a heads up for y'all: Christmas Song Watch 2009 is officially operational.

Last year, as you may recall, I blogged occasionally when a particularly offensive Christmas song came on the radio. As the local pop station has begun playing 24-hour christmas tunes (as of Monday) that time of year has come again.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not one of those Christmas grumps. I love the season. I love it when stores pull their Christmas stuff out and put it on display. To some it's a display of crass commercialism masquerading as participation in an ancient Christian holiday, but to me it's a display of crass commercialism masquerading as participation in an ancient Christian holiday with bright, shiny lights and catchy tunes and snow and that feeling that, yes, despite humanity, there is still good in the world today. I put up our outdoor Christmas decorations a week ago. The Christmas tree will likely go up Friday, if my wife sticks with her tradition.

It's just that sometimes a Christmas song gets to me, that's all.

This one, however, won't bug me:

	Johnny Mathis - Johnny Mathis Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Nor this one:

	Peter, Paul & Mary - The Marvelous Toy .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Christmas Song Watch II

9:46 am: CHRISTMAS SHOES. Help! My brain is melting! My brain is bblblllblblblblblblblll . . .

Christmas Song Watch I

Yesterday one of our local radio stations started its solid 24-hour broadcasts of Christmas music. This annual phenomenon begins with the abject optimism that, indeed, winter itself brings: Faith that it won't be as long, cold, snowy and unendureable as last year. But, given the number of free-form, slightly tuneless jazz saxophone solos I've heard peppering out of the radio speakers, this Christmas Music Season sounds like it's going to be just as lousy as last year.

I just don't understand it -- why do arrangers feel that the answer to every remake of every Christmas carol ever written needs a saxophone solo? And I mean every song. I swear I heard a sax solo during a rendition of "Silent Night" last year. I'd like to hear a solo on vies, the chimes, garbage can lids, anything, ANYTHING other than a saxophone. Drum up some originality, please.

And while I'm on the subject, I plan to use this blog this year to record my most innermost feelings (which will be dark and vile, not pretty) when I hear any of the following songs on the radio:

1) The Madonna version (or, frankly, ANY version) of "Santa Baby."

2) "The Christmas Shoes," which supplies a years' worth of treacle with every playing.

3) "Hey Sanna." I cannot legally type the true name of the song, "Hey Santa," because the singers do not sing "Hey Santa," but insist on saying "Sanna." I have no idea who or what Sanna might be, but I DO NOT wish to say "Hey" to him.

4) "Favorite Things." Whenever I hear this song commmandeered as a Christmas song, it makes me wish the Nazis had gotten the Von Trapps before they scuttled over the border to Switzerland.

(And, in case you're wondering, the album featured on this page is not a joke. It is available here, heaven help us.)

UPDATE: Had I extended my 2:30 constitutional for just another 10 seconds, I would have missed the aforementioned Madonna song. Damn my luck.