Doubt Your Doubts

I did not want to go to church Sunday.

Thought it out: Fake sick and such, have a low-key day.

But I went to church.

A prayer in my heart, because I needed help. Nothing major, just stress over work (which resolved itself as a damp squib on Monday, as the work stress typically does, but that doesn't mean I can't spend my weekends in exquisite agony).

Easier to go to church than not to go to church, to be sure. Fewer questions and such.

But glad I went to church. Fast and testimony meeting, and a member bore his testimony of the gospel but not of the church -- or at least this ward -- and left, carrying his son. "Church isn't giving me what I need," he said. But rattled off that people have been checking in with him and his family.

What does he need that the church isn't giving him? He didn't say.

And there I sat, not wanting particularly to be there.

But I felt it differently. So many people there willing to shake my hand, say hello, help me be involved. So many people who care.

Was it the same with the other? I don't know. But I"m not generally outgoing. I'm introverted. Still, I felt welcome and wanted. I don't know what the problems are, but clearly there are problems.

But how do we sort them out?

Going to church is half the battle. Or at least part of it. I don't know his story, but I know mine.

I thought about things, after his testimony. The more I thought, the more I felt the spirit saying this is where I need to be, though maybe I don't understand all the reasons why.

Keep going. Doubt your doubts. Don't blame others, or seek that beam. Look for the mote, which is what I'm doing.

It's not easy. But it's worth doing.