Situation One: Up on the roof, stapling underlayment down on the last bit of roof to shingle. In one little corner, a wasp is coming in and out of a gap in the siding. He begins buzzing about my head. Using the only weapon available -- my staple hammer -- I begin flailing at the wasp, mano y vespa. I swat him out of the air. He dodges. I swat with the stapler more indiscriminately. Finally, I staple him dead to the roof. And notice I've got several shingles, a blanket, and a big wad of underlay stapled to the roof as well.
Situation Two: Son insisted on taking Scout Camp jacket, still wet from the laundry, to church. Hands it off to Dad because it's too wet to wear. Dad leaves it in the Relief Society room long enough for the next ward to start. At home, son notices missing jacket. Even though son is still in Sunday clothes and Dad is in a t-shirt, shorts, and slippers, son is TOO EMBARRASSED to go into the room to retrieve jacket.
I barge in, feeling like Fezzik clearing the Thieves' Forest. All eyes on me as my slippers flip-flap on my feet. "I left my son's Scout Camp jacket here," I say. "He'll kill me if he can't take it to camp today." I grab the jacket, naturally in the far corner of the room, and as the lesson has stopped and everyone is staring at me, I mumble "Pay no attention to how I'm dressed."
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