Pandemic Grump Session

I, for one, am ready to get back to normal.

Not because I don't enjoy working from home, or the slower pace of life under a stay-at-home. But because I want all the conservative snowflakes out there to shut the hell up.

I'm putting this on my blog because no one, and I mean no one, reads it. If I put this up on traditional social media, I'd get my head handed to me. And I like my head right where it is.

First of all, small businesses. Yes, you're struggling. But when your supporters come out with this meme:

[Enter halos] Remember all those fundraisers we supported? Now's the time to support us. [Halos exeunt]

the only response that came to mind was every time I asked a small business for fundraiser help, they'd say, "Sorry. We can't help every person who comes through the door looking for money. If we did, we'd go broke. And we have a kid we know who's already got all our fundraiser money."

So here's my response: "Sorry, I can't support every small business out there, what with your surly service and high prices. Besides, I'm gonna have to go to Home Depot anyway because it's highly likely you don't have what I need."

Second of all, politics. STOP. POLITICIZING. THE. VIRUS. The next person who does this to me will not only get a punch up the bracket and further abuse, they and the party they support will not get my vote. And that goes for all your wannabe third-party candidates who think you're going to rise on a wellspring of goodwill from these same conservative snowflakes who can't handle being told what to do.

NO ONE'S GONNA TELL US WHAT TO DO seems to have replaced E PLURIBUS UNUM somewhere along the line.



And just this morning the city cancelled the Fourth of July Parade. Now, parades. I can leave them. I mean, sometimes you get free chocolate milk at them, but to say I want to sit in the sun with a buncha freaks on the sidewalks and get sunburned to see tractors roll by pulling beauty queens and local politicians of the conservative snowflake variety, I don't.

But there's a certain factor of our society that's going to say ZOMG! the city CANCELLED the FOURTH OF JULY!

I, for one, believe we can do more to respect our country than to do showpiece performance theatre like parades, but that's just my contrarian son-of-an-immigrant nature speaking.

Let me pause for a short moment of rationality.

If you want to support small businesses, do so. If you want to whine about the parade being cancelled, do so. If you want to be a conservative snowflake, do so. But stop acting like your way is the only way to behave, and that everyone who doesn't agree with you lock, stock, and Dolores has horns instead of that halo you nailed to the wall so you can pose underneath it every morning.