The World Through the Lens of Fark

For some reason, the Internet connection was down at work most of Wednesday – with one exception. I was able to get to Fark.com.

Fark, while occasionally rude, is most of the time a very entertaining site, a news aggregator with a big sense of humor. So as they day got longer and the connection still didn’t work, I pondered what life would be like if Fark.com were my only Internet window on the world. (And I mean only. While I could get the most recent updates to Fark.com, I could not get to any of the links, so, for example, if I wanted to read further on why six percent of Florida voters who had already voted “don’t know who they voted for,” I could not get to the news behind the snark.)

So, here’s what else I learned about the world today, and what I can surmise from the snark:

Fed cuts key rate to negative eleventy percent. (Cut won’t mean jack to we regular folks, but will mean that Wall Street will again tumble, because whatever the Fed has done lately has made things go completely ape.)

After zombie Fred Astaire selling vacuums and zombie John Wayne selling beer, Now it is JFK's turn to be reanimated from the dead, urging you to go green. (Soon we’ll see a reanimated Ronald Reagan once again warning us that the Commies are trying to steal Christmas.)

Clintons make final passive-aggressive argument for or against Obama in key swing states. Maybe. (The Clintons are STILL pouting that Madame did not get the nod.)

Obama staffers paid to spam up Fark and every other site with "Victory is inevitable. Just go home." (Obama has been assimilated.)

Putting the "fun" in "funeral," mortuary hires Elvis impersonator to sing and dance around replica of Presley's casket to help people see that their employees aren't creepy or weird. Yeah, that should do it. (Even the mortuary industry is suffering in the downturn because people just can’t afford to die any more.)

Voting problems plaguing some U.S. states. Most notably the lack of a good candidate. (Amen, brother.)