Sunday, July 18, 2010

Drivelalia Factosis

Now at least I know what to call it.

You read it here daily. My wife gets it all the time when she's trying to do something else. My kids get it until they're absolutely sick of hearing their Daddy's voice.

I have it: Drivealia Factosis. I'm not sure anyone has ever elucidated this, well, I'm going to call it a genetic disorder, because this isn't really the kind of thing you can pick up from a bug. Although it certainly could be parasitical.

Anyway, I have it. Many members of my family have it -- that's why I believe it's genetic, not parasitical or anything else like that. My mother-in-law noted it in me early and rather than be concerned for her grandchildren (she has other offspring, so they may provide the kind of grandchildren she wants) she simply feeds the habit. She brings home books like Dan Voorhees' "The Book of Totally Useless Information," laughs, and says, "Well, when I saw it, I thought of you."

Drivelalia factosis, however, brings its own dangers. I'm expected to know everything. I cannot disappoint. So to keep up with all the demands from three very inquisitive children, I have to read a lot. And watch movies a lot. And do all sorts of things a lot so I can feed the habit. Still, it's not enough. Now I've got to start learning about native flora and fauna -- my knowledge was found lacking when we took a hike over the Fourth of July weekend.

Fortunately, our oldest son has the right combination of recessive genes to make this condition evident in himself. So I provide him with ample reading material. It's nice to have another one in the family.

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