Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Suddenly – and I’m finding it hard to avoid the rats fleeing a sinking ship metaphor here – the warts on my left hand are dissolving. And my right hand is now wart-free.

I’d like to think it’s the herbal remedies we’ve been trying. But it could also be the dousing they got in chlorine a few weeks ago. Or it could be aliens, for all I know. I’ve even contemplated getting a medical opinion on the subject, but I’m loath to spend $55 for a doctor to say “Well, yeah, they’re disappearing all right. Keep doing what you’re doing.” I’m educated enough to know that.

I’m not gross with warts. True, my left thumb, at one point, had five. But now two are nearly completely shriveled, and the other three are looking wan. The wart on my palm is gone. As is the one on my pinky. Even the two new ones that popped up on my middle finger are looking sickly, and the one on the tip of the finger – the one that kept getting in the way of my fingernail – is gone completely.

I’m glad they’re going, to be sure.

Maybe it is the Tumorel. I’d like to think that at $16 for a one-ounce bottle it’d do something besides dribble. Or maybe it’s the combination of Tumorel and Heise Hot Springs chlorinated water. Or the sunburn I got there. Or all sorts of combined environmental factors.

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