Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Skinnydippers of Madison County

Attention: Skinnydippers who were swimming in the Henry's Fork of the Snake River at Beaver Dick Park (no jokes; it's just the name of the park) at about 1 am Saturday morning.

You'd think, first of all, if you were going to go skinnydipping, you'd be a lot more quiet about it. As it is, all your hooting, hollering, and splashing woke us up -- even me, who happens to be a very sound sleeper. You were fortunate we -- a group of fathers and their 11-year-old and younger sons, on an outing with the Boy Scouts of America -- weren't a more curious lot, or you would have had a lot more people standing on the shore watching you as you frolicked. As it is, you did arouse (not that, way, clean up your mind again) our lightest sleeper, a very even-tempered, amenable man who also doesn't do much by way of suffering fools.

You really had the coyotes riled up, too. They were yipping and barking on both sides of the river, though it was hard to hear them over all of your noise and general nonsense.

When he was walking to the docks where you were splashing, he figured he had a bunch of skinnydippers on his hands, and that you were probably drunk to boot, considering the level of noise you were making.

What makes the whole situation funny is your indignant "You can turn around now, sir," as he approached. You know, had you not been so damned loud and annoying, you probably wouldn't have woken up anyone in the campground -- there were more than 50 of us there that night, not all of us scouts but plenty of us there to watch and ogle if you were determined enough to wake everyone up. But you were loud, so it prompted a response. I thought is "I'll turn around if you all leave right now" was a good response.

He didn't call the cops, as you were worried (your whispering and whatnot wasn't all that quiet, drunken people rarely are all that quiet when they're whispering) he would do. He should have. I would have, but I'm a heavy enough sleeper I just went back to sleep.

He was impressed with your speed. Not twenty seconds after he said he'd leave if you did, he heard all four of your car door slam and you were gone. You left a bit too fast, though. Somebody left a brazier on the dock railing. It's probably still there if you want to go back and get it.

I don't mind if you want to skinnydip; that is your right. Just be more quiet about it next time. And don't scream like a little girl. Or play at King of the Rock.

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