Today, Michelle handed me a sheaf of papers to run through the shredder and I remembered - the shredder was broken.
I don't quite know what happened to it, but the paper entry slot was jammed up with shredded paper and I couldn't get any more to go in.
So being the cheap bastard that I am, I unplugged the thing, took it apart, and poked at it with a small screwdriver until I got the jammed paper cleaned out.
Luckily, I got the thing put back together properly and it works. So I was able to shred.
I know, stupid story. But I have to take the little victories when I can get them.
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