Just Turn It On

Problem: Many Americans -- and non-Americans, for that matter -- are weary of the Always Extended (R) U.S. election process.

Problem: Some on the fringe believe that when the Large Hadron Collider at the European Center for Nuclear Research is turned on, the world will end in a calamitous big bang with every molecule in our bodies exploding at the speed of light (that might be the consequence of crossing proton streams in Ghostbusters, but bear with me here).

Solution: Just turn the damn thing on now. If it blows, we're out of our electoral mistery.

Problem: When the LHC turns on, nothing happens, and we get about seven more weeks of electioneering.

Solution: Put McCain and Obama in the LHC, then turn it on again.