PETA Swallows A Fly

Remember how Obama killed that fly yesterday? Of COURSE People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is upset with him. Of course, they're probably upset I showered and used deodorant this morning, thus killing and/or sweetening up several million bacteria swarming on my skin.

Thoughtfully, PETA sent a Katcha Bug (TM) Humane Bug Catcher to the White House, for President Obama or his designated Secret Service Bug Swatter to use the next time a pesky insect invades the White House. Conveniently, PETA sells these things on their website for $8. Here's a photo:

The device resembles in some ways the kid-contamination control devices used in Monsters Inc., except that rather than obliterating the bug with some kind of flash weapon at the push of a button once the creepy-crawly is captured, users of this bug catcher are supposed to use the Mike Wazowski approach and, using mainly spoons, capture the bug and release it into the wild.

This is probably more humane treatment than what bugs generally get at my house, especially spiders. I won't detail our disposal methods here, lest PETA send me an angry letter, but suffice it to say that, in general, bugs in our house become "Rexburg's Problem" through the application of generous wads of toilet tissue an an exciting ride through what I like to call the Super-Duper Bug Waterslide.

Not all bugs get such treatment. Ladybugs, for example, are typically released into the wild, because of their aphid-munching proclivities. That, and because my kids NEVER believe me when I tell them ladybugs taste just like M&Ms and that they should eat them.

To be fair, I used a device similar to the Katcha Bug to remove a bat from our house a few years ago. For those interested in creating their own Katcha Bat Humane Bat Catcher, I recommend a large Tupperware bowl and an aluminum cookie tin. I suppose any brand of bowl could be used, but it's my experience that Tupperware products have the overall heft and robustness necessary for the successful evacuation of bats from a domicile. Here's the method:

1. Whack the bat out of flight with the bowl or tin (I recommend the bowl, because it makes Step 2 that much easier to accomplish).

2. Drop the bowl over the stunned bat.

3. Slide the cookie tin under the bowl, being careful not to raise the bowl enough to allow the bat to escape -- and believe me, partner, it WILL try to escape. The bat will NOT want to climb up on top of the tin. It's your duty to not give the bat an opinion in the matter.

4. Take the bowl and tin out onto the back porch, place the assembly on the railing, give it a severe whack so it all falls off the railing into the grass below then run like hell back into the house, slamming the door so the enraged bat can't re-enter the house.

PETA, I guarantee this is the most humane treatment I could think of to rid my house of the bat. The typical male solution -- opening all the windows, removing the screens and hoping for the best) was not acceptable to other family members, who hid under the covers during the bat-removal process.

Besides, PETA, I still think Obama's fly-swatting on camera was a subtle message being sent to North Korea. If he had instead used the Katcha Bug, you have to know Kim Jong Il would be further emboldened.