Saturday, June 26, 2010

Parenting Tip No. 2,390: Keep Yer Fat Yap Shut

Keeping yer fat yap shut is one of the more important parenting lessons that I still have not learned. And this goes way beyond a young kid overhearing a swear word blurted out by a father wrestling with a gigantic inflatable pool, although hearing said child repeat said words in mother's presence is a good indicator of why keeping yer fat yap shut is a good idea.

More of what I'm talking about are the things that a parent says that are innocent or, betimes, illustrative of some kind of situation that said parent is trying to explain to children. Then parents get to hear those things said over and over and over again until they want to skewer themselves for, yeah, not keeping their fat yaps shut.

An example:

Took the kids to the Rexburg Spray Park today. I really hadn't counted on getting wet, but the kids really, really wanted Dad involved. So I got wet. I did not remove my shirt beforehand, because I did not want to read reports of a hairy, bloated Sasquatch being seen at the park. But I didn't want to drive home in a sopping wet shirt. So I took the shirt off, stowed it in the back of the Pilot and, caveman-like, wrapped a blanket over my shoulders so, as I told my children, "some cop won't say, 'Hey, nekked-boy, put some clothes on while you're driving.'" That's all I heard on the way home, and that's all we've heard all evening long.

Thing is, I keep on saying stuff like that, and the kids repeat it endlessly. There are things I said weeks ago that they still repeat as if they're the funniest things in the world. I can even try to say something to them to illustrate something in the scriptures, and it's the stupid thing I say that they remember, not the scriptural thing I was trying to explain to them.

But I suppose kids are like this the world over. Right? RIGHT!

Yeah. The boys are in bed right now, repeating and repeating Dad's latest hilarities.

Thing is, I just about opened that yap of mine again tonight. The youngest wants a water bottle. But until he learns to wake up at night to use the bathroom, he can't have a full one. Why, he asks. I almost said, "Well, son it's because you go to the bathroom like Ruprecht." Then I would have had to explain it, because he'd invariably ask, "Who's Ruprecht." And then I'd have to show them this:

And then I'd never hear the end of it. Good thing I kept my fat yap shut.

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