Oh No. It's DAD!

Used under the Fair Use Doctrine for illustrative purposes.

I vividly recall playing the innocent clown in Primary one day long, long ago in a church building far, far, away, and being bawled out by my mother for it.

Well, she was the Primary President. And I was sitting on the front row, her little angel, with my blue and orange puffy vest, very similar to the one Michael J. Fox wears in Back to the Future, pulled up over my head. I'm sure she wanted to kill me.

Tomorrow, I begin a year-long stint teaching a Primary class with my oldest boy in it.

I'm sure It's going to be humiliating. For him, most likely. I'm not the coolest parent in the world. And it's always tough to have a parent in a position of authority where your peers can see the uncool interactions and, well, make fun of you later for them.

So I solemnly promise:

• I will not call my son by any nicknames.
• I will not call my son by his full name, including middle names, to put the fear into him.
• I will not try to be a "cool" parent.
• I won't be a doormat, either.
• I won't treat him differently than any of his peers in the class. I will follow the Admonition of Dr. Tart:"If you're innocent, you're innocent. If you're guilty, we'll hang ya."
• I will not karosani the Morleys.
• I won't play favorites.
• I will, however, treat my son fairly, not singling him out for exceptional punishment or exceptional praise.

And if he pulls the head inside the vest stunt, I'll kill him. Evidence the Parents' Curse works.