Friday, April 8, 2011


So, the big question on the lips of the media this week is: If the government shuts down, will we really notice?

No, really the question on the media's lips is: GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! Flee to your fallout bunker and whatever you do, don't visit Yellowstone National Park because maintenance of the hot pools and geysers was WAAAAAYYY down before everything shut down so the whole damn place could blow at any minute! And it's the Republican's fault! Of course, so is my psoriasis!

I think if they could they'd use the opening sequence from Wall-E to illustrate what the landscape will look like if the government shuts down:

We got a rather more calm memo from the higher-ups in my company yesterday concerning the shutdown. Their message: Folks, we've got enough money in the coffers to keep things going for about a month, so come Monday if the government is shut down you'd better be at work unless you want to be put on the layoff list.

The bit about the layoffs isn't true, of course.

So yeah. If the government shuts down, it's highly likely we won't notice a thing. We've already got our federal tax refund. We're not in need of passports. And anyone who goes to Yellowstone National Park in early April is going to have a lot more trouble dealing with snow, waking grizzly bears and other more natural calamities than the total and complete absence of federal workers.

The media -- and some of the more wide-eyed conservative locals -- make it sound like it's the Shutpocalypse if the government shuts down. The media, of course, because they're on the side of the Democrats in this argument (and if you say they're not, well then, I have a recording of about five minutes' worth of long, cynical laughter for you to listen to). At least they may more sense than the wide-eyed conservatives around here, who seem to be ranting on about why the hell does the government have to shut down because that's what I'm trying to pay the bare minimum of taxes for anyway? Like any of them are going to need to rush out and get a passport any time soon.

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