Check Engine Light . . .

Wednesday, my wife took our oldest son to Dr. Destin Thayne, the Witch Doctor.

As I understand it, this is a doctor who practices, well, lemme see. Okay, he does say on his web site that he runs an “alternative health clinic.” He follows an admonition, prediction, whatever you want to call it, of Thomas Edison, who said: “The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his patient in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.” Not really sure what all that means, but it does mean that they had our boy put his hand on a little thing that looks like a computer mouse, but has spots for all of his fingers to rest.

By reading whatever kinds of readings they got from his fingers, they figured a few things out. I admit to being a bit skeptical about what they figured out (the main things he identified are that he has a fungal and/or parasitic infection that is causing bowel trouble, and that he has a metal allergy brought on, or so the doctor says, by the needles form his infant vaccinations). I'm a little bothered that they don't get more specific than this -- but that would require, I suppose, blood tests and would lessen the whole appeal of the process on a fortune teller level.

I am, however, willing to give this diagnosis (and treatment, which involves a handful of natural remedies and an admonition to avoid using mint within 20 minutes of taking his medicine) the benefit of the doubt, because this doctor was able to help a niece through her post partum depression after her first child was born. And it all only cost us $157, which isn’t too bad, considering the last time I went to the doctor to get my allergy meds prescription renewed, they charged me $55 and only took my blood pressure. So we’ll give these natural remedies a shot and see if they help our boy out. I’d like to think we can get at least the bowel thing taken care of, because I’m sure tired of all the poopy underwear and "butt crumbs" all over the house.

Ah, evidently the little test they did is called a Limbic Stress Assessment Scan. Here’s what they say on the doctor’s web site:

By measuring electrical conductivity through important communication points on
your hands, we can measure the level of toxic stress on your organs and
systems. The Limbic Stress Assessment system is designed to effectively
address those areas of stress and determine the best solutions possible.

The procedure is simple, painless, and sterile. Clients simply place their
hands on the Limbic Arc hand cradle and the computer runs through a sequence of
tests. The LSA System tracks your body’s physiological stress level and
records changes that occur throughout the test. By recording and analyzing
these responses we can pinpoint a clinical approach that will provide you the
greatest personalized benefit in the least amount of time.

This technology is used in various health care practices around the world. It gives
Doctors more information to consider before suggesting corrective procedures.

It all sounds so Star Trek. But, again, I’m willing to see if this works. His degree is a BEP, which I think stands for Bio-Energetic Practitioner. I assume they have schools for this. I know I sound skeptical, but actually I find it all pretty fascinating. I’m sure our bodies are telling us a lot more than we know, and that if doctors can find out a way to get these answers from our bodies, so much the better for us. It kind of reminds me of plugging a car into a computer to figure out what’s wrong when the “Check Engine” light comes on.

Michelle, I thought, was pretty smart with her approach to this. She didn't offer any information. Dr. Thayne asked, "So, is there anything in particular you're worried about," and Michelle said no -- obviously wanting, like me, to see if this diagnosis method could come up with our concerns without them being fed to the doctor in advance. I know enough from watching those shows on TV that you never, ever give people information in advance if you want them to test their detection methods (I've also learned never, ever stop in the middle of a hoedown as well, but that's beside the point). All Michelle did was confirm her concerns after the doctor brought them up. That, too, is a bit worrying on a logical sense, as the affirmation can at least let the doctor know what track to pursue. But to thoroughly test this, I'd have to hear the questions the doctor asks through a bunch of tests, rather than relying on just the two I've heard about.

So I'll keep y'all posted on this as it progresses and, certainly, if the treatment we've been given helps the targeted problems.

PS: I call Dr. Thayne "the Witch Doctor" as a jest, of course. No disrespect.