Sunday, March 14, 2010

Wicked Dumb

Earlier this year, Apple brought us the "Magical" iPad. Now, it appears to be nifty and all, but magical? I"m not so sure. I've got an iPod Touch, and it's great, but magical? Hardly. I don't see a bigger screen making the magic suddenly pop out.

Now is claiming that their new wowie-kazowie design is going to be "wicked fast."

Who cares?

I use Digg, quite a bit. I've never noticed it being slow. I see a link I want to read, click on it, and in a few seconds, kaboom, I'm there. How much more fast than that is "wicked fast," and why should I care about it? I mean, things are working pretty good right now, you know. Is it really going to make a difference if Digg is "wicked fast," or if the iPad is magical? Life went on its merry way before I had an iPod Touch, and it went on merrily after the first one I had went through the clothes washer. If it takes an agonizing five or so seconds for Digg to do its thing, am I actually going to be worse off? Hardly. And wow! More optimization! More personalization! More choices for me me me! We've got to face the facts: The Internet will never love us.

Signals! Thirty seconds gone from life!

Are we that jaded by technology now that we have to drag out the adjectives to make the new and improved versions that much more spectacular? I guess so. Just reminds me of the Garfield comic in which he's eating and watching a commercial for the brand he's eating. The singers are chanting "Our cat food is new and improved, new and improved, new and improved! Our cat food is new and improved," and probably at the end, something like "doo deee doo deee dooooo!"

Garfield, still eating, looks at his food and thinks, "To think all this time I've been eating old and inferior."

I feel the same way about technology. Don't call it magical or wicked fast unless it really is. Don't give us adjectives just for the sake of adjectives.

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