The Rexburg Parking Manifesto

Above the political and societal fray now burning in the fair city of Rexburg, Blackfoot, Idaho-based Blackers Furniture should be proud.

After all, the letter that make up their locally famous name play prominently in the "ransom-style note" taped to the doors of Rexburg City Hall in protest Tuesday morning against parking regulations on streets near the Brigham Young University-Idaho campus. See the swooping S. The elegant K. The bold B. All there, in their glory.

The note is here:

And here, with story. I'm having a hard time interpreting the writing as the resolution on the photo provided is too poor when blown up to reveal the smaller words, but I've reproduced in text what I can. Maybe somebody with a sharper eye can help me out:

Manifesto to world to whom it may concern:

So it is that at the apex of all social evolution the dark angel descends with swift wings upon no parking prepare oh ye people prepare for the end of the no parking in the designated spots of the no parking hear our cry, oh Gentiles, and tremble.

These are our demands

1 Forcibly resinstate Shawn Larsen. We like a man with dashing good looks & gusto.

2. Change [saturday] to [doubin’s m]

3. A shiny new donkey for all youth who report [wish Socialism]

4. Lower the towne smoking age to 6 [(to black miles the cough)]

5. Get rid of the stupid signs.

Baby [for] sale?

From the Mayor’s Youth Advisory Council

Please look the note over and post your interpretations of it here.

Now, I can't say that the removal of public property -- the aforementioned parking signs, declaring on-street parking near the BYU-I campus as permitted only -- is condonable. Sure, many of the signs have been found, and the perps placed a bag of nuts (the metal kind) at city hall so the signs can be replaced. But that's a lot of labor for some poor city sod to go through, and taxpayer's money wasted.

But what an absolutely hilarious way to protest.

It's a damn good thing I'm not in local journalism any more, because I'd have had much more fun with this story than the local paper who are being very professional and have to play it straight because, hey, that's what you do when you're a journalist. Okay, I managegd to type that with a straight face. To continue: We used to live near campus and, had we stayed there, would have been included in this campus parking zone. We'd have grumbled, but have taken our two aloloted residential permits and used them. Can't count how many times I went to get my car out of the driveway only to find the driveway blocked by some idiot who didn't see the driveway in his or her rush to get parked so he or she could get to campus for some activity or other. I was reduced to dutifully calling the police deaprtment and writing rude limericks to stick on windshields. I think that's why the ransom note-makers have my sympathy.

The line about former Mayor Shawn Larsen is the best one. Who doesn't appreciate a man with dashing good looks and gusto? Our local municipalities tend to elect rather staid and boring people as mayor -- with the exception of St. Anthony, which, for a while, had a mayor with a long grey pony tail who rode motorcycles. No more.

So, protest the parking as you will. Or park up at the Hinckley Building where there's always vacant parking. Just, please, fulfil my demands:

1. Help me correctly interpret your note, as the local paper cowardly refused to reproduce it in a manner that makes it legible.

2. Keep up the good work.